You'll Actually Get Off: Why Masturbation Is Better Than Casual Sex

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It's a tough world for a single girl. She's dating someone, then dating nobody, then dating multiple people, and who knows what else. The one thing she's never sure of is when she’s going to get laid next.

Sometimes, even when she does get laid, the dude, or the experience -- or both -- is a total bust. Ever slept with a guy and thought, “Well, that was a waste of perfectly shaved legs?

No? Well, you’re one of the lucky ones.

Sex doesn’t have to be the only thing on the menu. The physical act of boning can surely be a thrill, but because it involves another person, we can’t always get the release when we need it most. There’s more we can be doing to both alleviate dreaded dry spells and to just have more plain fun when by ourselves: We can masturbate.

The statistics I read about the frequency of female masturbation surprised me, and not in a pleasant way:

According to a survey taken last year, only 7.9 percent of women between the ages of 25 and 29 masturbate two to three times a week. For men of the same age, that percentage rises to 23.4 percent.

I’ll admit it isn’t startling that men masturbate more regularly than women do (hey, haven’t you ever seen a guy at work leave the men’s room with a smirk on his face?)

Still, we’ve left the antiquated world, and we’ve entered an age of third-wave feminism. In layman's terms, this means more and more women are speaking up for exactly what they want, exactly when they want it.

So, ladies, why aren’t we discovering our bodies on our own? The benefits of exploring ourselves in the bedroom are endless; if "masturbation" and "casual sex" were people, masturbation would easily punch out casual sex in a boxing match.

Behold the magic of masturbating:

You don’t have to get out of bed.

Experimenting with oneself requires minimal movement. If you can think of something better than not moving, I commend you.

Self-pleasure, unlike sex, isn’t based on someone else’s needs.

There’s nothing worse than a casual encounter, one whom you sought out to satisfy your needs, turning into anxiety about another person’s needs (uh, dude, finish early much?).

When it’s you -- and only you -- you don't come second to anybody (no pun intended).

You don’t have to worry about being texted back.

No need to freak out: your hand will always text you back.

You don’t have to worry about STDs.

One less thing to worry about.

You know where your clitoris is.

Just because some guy didn’t listen during his seventh-grade health class doesn’t mean you need to pick up the slack.

You learn exactly what gets you off and what doesn’t.

A lot of women don’t speak up in bed about what they want because they don’t know what they like. Education equals power, and by experimenting, you can share your findings with the next guy you decide to sleep with.

You can stop whenever you get tired.

Roll over, have an Oreo and begin that Netflix binge you've had no time for.

You don’t experience any pain when pleasuring yourself.

At least a third of sexually active women experience pain during sex. Why risk pain with a dude who isn’t all that special?

You feel empowered only after the deed is done.

Hey, Ma, look what I can do!

You don’t have to cuddle with anyone...

...unless it's your teddy bear. No more half-assed spooning with a dude who snores.

The only walk of shame you’ll be doing is the one to your kitchen.

And your kitchen is only a few feet away. Can someone say “Nutella party?”

You can skipsies on the awkward next-day brunch.

Buh-bye contrived conversation between two hungover people.

You never have to fake climax.

You hit home base every time -- and there isn't anything fake about that.

There's no preparation is necessary.

If your getting-ready process is anything like mine, you know it takes forever to apply makeup, squeeze into a tight dress and find a decently attractive guy at the bar.

Why not stay home, find a cute toy and skip all those steps?

You don’t have to "give back" to a dude afterwards.

Sex is both selfish and selfless; masturbation is only selfish. And it’s okay to be selfish sometimes.

Because fantasy is always so much better than reality.

Sometimes reality is less satisfying than a Snickers bar. The fun of being on your own lies in being able to let your imagination run sexually wild, so run free, wild thang.

Take a little "me" time, ladies, because you deserve it. Anything men can do, we can do better.