What Every Man Dreads During The Holiday Season

‘Tis the season to be jolly, merry and whatever other word you can think of to describe the holiday season.

There might be plenty of love and happiness to go around during this time of the year, but a certain group of people actually despise it for a few interesting reasons.

Guys dread the holiday season. Even if they grew up loving whichever holiday they celebrate, the holiday season becomes nothing but a complete nuisance once a certain age rolls around, and I’ll tell you why: females. No surprise there.

Girlfriends can be a blessing, but they can also be the bane of any man’s existence, and the holidays are a time when that idea becomes more of a reality every single day.

Taking Their Girlfriend To See The Tree

Don’t get me wrong; I’ve done this with a significant other before when I was young and dumb, but forcing your boyfriend to take you to see the tree at Rockefeller Center is at the top of the list of girlfriend-shit he never wants to do.

Yes, it’d be nice to have a nice picture of the two of you in front of something festive as a memory, but girls, going to see the tree every year just sucks for boyfriends all over the world.

Think about it: you drag this guy into the most crowded and tourist infested area in NYC through below freezing weather to look at an enlarged version of the tree that you have in your very same living room before asking some stranger to take a picture of you guys together next to it.

Then there's the fact that the picture never even comes out right because tourists are incapable of properly operating a camera. Even worse, you could be one of those girlfriends who asks your boyfriend to just take a selfie of the two of you standing next to the tree, which of course will lead to more than one picture, because God only knows females can’t take a proper selfie picture during the first try.

You literally will look at this tree for four seconds and then force your boyfriend to stop into any store that has a festively decorated window, (when you don’t even purchase anything) until you finally end up at some shitty “famous” coffee house or restaurant where he’ll have to pay for your overpriced meal, topping off his miserable day.

Buying A Gift

Last night I saw a tweet that was sent by my little brother’s friend (sidenote: they’re seventeen years old) which said, and I quote: “So pumped to not spend money on a gift for a girlfriend this year #thatsthatshitilike” Woah. Seventeen years old, and buying a gift for a girlfriend is already that much of a huge deal.

This kid most likely doesn’t have that much of his own money to spend on a girlfriend (seeing as he’s only seventeen and doesn’t even truly know what a girlfriend is yet) but it just goes to show that guys hate buying gifts for girlfriends altogether.

Birthdays are bad enough, but the holiday season is that time where every girlfriend is getting a gift at the same time. You know what that means: comparisons. Every female in the planet will be comparing what their boyfriend got them for the holidays with their other girlfriends, and you best believe that your girl will get pissed if your gift isn’t up to par.

Do you know how much pressure this puts on guys? I’m pretty sure every guy on the planet would rather eat their own foot than have to deal with a pissed off girlfriend, and let me tell you something, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Well, women shouldn’t exactly be feeling “scorned” because they were given a subpar gift, but they’ll sure as hell act that way regardless. Unless your gift includes plane tickets somewhere, diamonds, or something from the handbag section of Barney’s, reevaluate your purchases. I’m just trying to help.

Being Forced To Attend Awkward Family Functions

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, no man likes to be brought to his girlfriend’s family functions. Dinner with the parents is reasonable and even necessary at times, but the holidays are a time when girlfriends bring their boyfriends to their aunt’s house and their grandfather’s house and if you thought being at her parents' house was awkward.

Every single member of your girlfriend’s extended family will be at these dinners, which will basically lead to three hours of you being grilled with “So what do you do? How’s school?

How much money do you make before taxes?”  You’ll sit there in unbearable agony, put a fake smile on and accept whatever foreign dish is being passed your way.

Swallow everything (all the while trying to think up of ways you can make yourself choke and die on said mystery dish) and bear it, for the entire holiday season.

To top it all off, when your girlfriend asks “Isn’t my family so much fun?!” you have to smile and respond with….. “Yes”.

Hearing Their Girlfriends Complain About Holiday Weight

This is by far the one boyfriends dread most: having your girlfriend complain about how much weight she will put on during the holidays. The holidays are a time when girls just like to talk talk talk, but they never really listen to what they’re actually saying.

Females will literally sit with a festive holiday pie in their lap, gorging on the entire thing with a huge smile on their face (because after all, it is the holidays), only to come home to you later that night and break down in tears that they’re not going to fit into any cute dresses for new years.

Um, what? You definitely know what eating 5,000 calories in one sitting will do to your body, yet you did it anyway. This is a time when boyfriends want to backhand their girlfriend (kidding) and scream “You did this to yourself!” in their face, but they (at least most of them) restrain themselves.

Ally | Elite.

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