I was watching "The Bachelorette" the other day.
(Yes, I know. A man watching "The Bachelorette" is absurd, but what can I say? I’m a sucker for analyzing relationships, and a female friend of mine had it on.)
"The Bachelorette" believes a man needs to be ready to commit if the woman is going to choose him.
This got me thinking.
What’s commitment? Why is it such a valuable commodity for women?
There are four things you need to know about commitment in order to shed more light on this seemingly necessary step in a relationship.
Making a man commit is the be-all and end-all goal a lot of women have, so here are some common myths to avoid:
1. Commitment will make your life better.
If only your man would finally agree to commit, everything would be okay, right?
If you don't feel okay in your life right now, commitment is not going to magically make things better.
A lot of us fall into this trap, and we rely on a relationship to make us feel whole and to fill an internal void.
This creates a sense of false hope.
This sense of false hope fills our hearts with joy and the idea that, in the future, things will be okay.
If he commits, nothing is going to really change.
Make your life happy, and feel okay without relying on commitment.
You will end up making commitment a much more enjoyable experience.
2. Commitment means there won't be any cheating.
Just because he calls you his girlfriend or his wife, that doesn’t automatically abolish the chance he could cheat.
A man could cheat on his wife just the same as he could cheat on a girlfriend.
Focusing on commitment as some kind of security blanket is an inherently flawed way of looking at love and relationships.
This is why focusing on the quality of time you spend with him — not the title of commitment — will make him less likely to cheat.
Rely on the quality of your relationship instead of the title.
3. You can now get comfortable.
A lot of women think that once the man commits, it’s time to stop trying.
You stop being the fun, friendly and flirty version of yourself, and you stop putting effort into the relationship.
He fell in love with the woman you were in the beginning, which is why a lot of relationships fall apart when you suddenly let go of everything and stop making any kind of effort.
That's one way to make sure he will never commit the way you want.
4. He won't check out other women.
Men are biologically programmed to check out other women.
Just because he is your boyfriend or husband, that does not automatically guarantee he will no longer find other women hot.
He will, even if he says he doesn’t.
It’s a fact of life.
Men instinctively notice attractive women.
It’s not a bad thing; it's just natural.
I hope you think of "commitment" as more of a nice title that happens as a result of the quality of your relationship, rather than a be-all and end-all result you need to have in order to feel okay with your relationship and yourself.