Why Low Maintenance Women Aren't Getting The Love They Deserve

by Lauren Martin

Low maintenance, like lube and rim jobs, is a term, believe it or not, once only associated with a mechanics garage. Cars that barely need tuneups, require little for spare parts and run for years without engine replacements are considered “low maintenance.”

They are the ideal car for the new buyer, the old seller and the guy who is just trying to keep his expenses down and get from place to place.

High maintenance cars are many times warned against, as they are expensive to upkeep, their parts must be imported, and the mileage is never worth the price of gas.

They are a depreciating asset from the moment you drive them off the lot, their presence only causing you stress and anxiety at every road bump and pot hole. But hell, they look damn good.

And they should. All the money spent on their exterior, the imported parts and unnecessary frills have the ability to attract even the most sensible of buyers.

They give so many men what they are longing for: validation. Their emblem, their name, their imported Italian leather seats.

Within months of driving, however, the smooth ride is no longer admired, the glossy exterior no longer delighted in and the frills and gadgets no longer marveled at. Like with most things, most drivers begin wanting something more, something new.

Now that it’s maintenance is higher than your mortgage, all you can worry about is the fading paint, the rising price of oil and how much it’s going to cost you to repair that scratch.

Parking spots become graveyards and long drives become dreaded, as you begin to wonder why you cared so much about this car to begin with.

Let me say this, women aren't cars. They're not objects; they're not things to be bought and sold, by men or anyone else.

Yet the dichotomy that once defined the motor industry, which was illustriously carried over by the famous Billy Crystal in “When Harry Met Sally,” seems to prove analogous to relationships that require too much upkeep and never win out at the end. (And, yes, for the women looking to purchase automobiles, men fall into these categories, too.)

“You’ve got your high maintenance chicks and your low maintenance chicks," he told Meg Ryan. “And you are definitely high maintenance.”

In attempt to bring Ryan down, he made sure she knew that she was nothing like a typical low maintenance chick (or, an LM). He told her she was picky, bossy and always needed things done a certain way.

He told her he longed for a woman like Ingrid Bergman, a woman who was easy to please and always “went with the flow.” While Meg Ryan’s character was most definitely high maintenance, Crystal still ended up marrying her.

So why, may I ask, if men are so obsessed with idea of the low maintenance girl, are they marrying all the high maintenance ones?

Why are they going for Bentleys and Porsches when they can’t afford them and know that a Ford will run the way they need it and get them where they need to go without all the extra costs?

Low maintenance women, like the classic American cars people say they miss, are still around. They are sturdy, dependable and have only gotten better over time. They are there for you in the good, bad and when you’re all but just about broke.

However, no one is buying them. Everyone is distracted with the flashy ads on the billboards and hot models in front of shiny metal grills, not realizing these extra cup holders and heated seats are never going to bring them that happiness they are so desperately seeking.

Unfortunately, in the capitalist society we thrive in, sometimes the best products get lost in the frenzy of commercialization. The basic products that do the job better than the ones with all the frills and added costs are drowned beneath a layer of neon paint and pretty packaging.

Like expensive cars, low maintenance women just can’t compete. Or rather, they don’t care enough to compete. They know who they are, they are comfortable with themselves and they refuse to go chasing buyers and sellers. They stay on the road, in their lane, happy to be moving along.

They won’t give in to the fads or trends. Won’t slip into tight dresses and heels to try to look like the models selling the Porsches.

They won’t spend nights in the clubs or on yachts. They aren't looking for men to empty their pockets and invest in their drama. They are out there being real, being chill and, unfortunately, being left all alone.

Flashy gadgets always distract from wholesome values

A big rack will always distract from a winning personality… at least in the beginning. While we’d all like to believe that personality is what keeps a man, it’s the frills, shiny coats of paint and large engines that initially attract them.

If women were like cars, a low maintenance woman would be one with a solid engine and good gas mileage, while the high maintenance would be the inappropriate Hummer or Escalade that requires two parking spaces, incessant gas trips and disapproving stares from your eco-friendly neighbors.

Unfortunately, it’s too late when the buyer finally realizes that he’s just bought a car that’s only going to cause him more than he can afford and the low maintenance ones are left on the lot.

People associate price with quality

For years, people have assumed that expensive cars were good cars. While many times they would be right, they are forgetting about all those mid-range cars that run just as well and last you just as long.

Just because a Bentley costs a couple hundred thousand doesn’t mean it’s the right car for you. Just because it has a good name and popular reputation doesn’t mean it’s going to bring you happiness.

High maintenance women, like Bentleys and Aston Martins, aren’t always worth their price. Sometimes the nagging, complaining and demanding isn't worth the status that comes with owning such an expensive car.

It’s usually only after you’ve realized how much money you’re continually spending that you understand that price doesn’t always ensure quality.

You can’t get down and dirty with a Bentley

Expensive cars, like high maintenance women, are nice to show off and look at, but it rarely goes deeper than that.

You’re so busy taking care of them that you can never do the things you really want to do with them. You can’t take them spontaneously off-roading or across unpaved terrain. You can’t get them dirty.

Low maintenance women are the ones who can take more than a few potholes. They don’t cry when their hair gets messed up or freak out because it’s raining. They don’t need 40 minutes to get ready for a 20 minute car ride or require heated seats in the winter.

They are sturdy, dependable and always able to take a few bumps in the road. They are the women who will be there in 20 years, 30 years, still running smoothly.

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