How To Know When You Aren't Just Eager To Love, You're Ready To Love

by Paul Hudson

Have you ever wondered why we’re capable of falling for so many different people over the course of a lifetime?

Sometimes, when we’re especially lucky, we fall deeply in love. Most of the time, it’s more of a stumble than a dive.

It’s difficult for most of us to figure out where to draw the line between something real and something temporary. Depending on two people's chemistry and overall compatibility, the warm and fuzzy feelings you’re experiencing will last anywhere from a moment to a lifetime.

There’s obviously so much more to love than feelings alone, but we’d be lying if we said that feelings weren’t our favorite part of the experience.

And it's these natural, uncontrollable aspects of love that really get us hooked. We love things that make us feel good. And the better they make us feel, the more we find ourselves wanting to repeat the experience.

The beauty of love is that it doesn’t require a pill, a needle or rolling paper. It just happens. And if there is one thing that everyone enjoys, it’s having the world work in our favor. We don't want to put in that much effort.

Loving effortlessly makes us believe that love is pure and majestic. When love is effortless, it feels like destiny. Unlike the rest of our lives, it isn’t forced.

Well, we don't think it's forced.

But that isn’t always the case, is it? Because we enjoy the experience of being in love as much as we do, it’s understandable that we sometimes mistake our eagerness for love for true love itself.

We’re desperate to love. And because we’re so desperate, we find ourselves falling for people who we realize aren't worthy of our love.

Sometimes this happens after a few weeks. Sometimes it takes a few months. Sometimes it's a year. And sometimes all it takes is for someone to start talking -- and then we realize that this person is not "the one."

We’re so eager to fall in love that we’re willing to have it in a diluted form -- just to get our fix.

But like all addictions, this only leads to trouble. When you fall for the wrong person, you open yourself up to risk. You might make mistakes that take years to solve. And for many people, a relationship can become so toxic that it's impossible to fully bounce back.

Maybe what you’re feeling is true love. But maybe you’re just an eager beaver. That’s why it’s so important to tell the difference between true love and desperate love.

If you're ready to love, you won't see any faults; if you're eager to love, you'll just ignore them.

When you’re in love, you’ll tell yourself that you can put up with a flaw -- that it was never really that important to begin with.

Of course, that’s not completely true, but you feel like you need to make compromises. And you’re right. In a relationship, compromises are necessary.

But if your love is nothing without compromises, you’re just jumping the gun.

If you're ready to love, you’ll have countless reasons why; if you're eager to love, you'll have no real explanation.

You should know, in your heart, every single reason why you love this person. You may not able to put it into words, but you should have solid and specific reasons.

When you’re just being desperate, your only argument is that being with your partner makes you "feel good." As soon as those feelings begin to evolve, the illusion you’re creating will fall apart.

If you're ready to love, you'll miss your partner; if you're eager to love, you'll just want the company.

You have to stop lying to yourself. Be honest. You’re lonely. You’ve been lonely. You’re tired of spending your life alone.

I get it. I’m right there with you.

The difference is that I’ve been playing this game for long enough to understand when I’m just being silly.

If you're ready to love, you'll feel like you've known each other forever; if you're eager to love, you'll realize you don't even know this person.

Loving someone means wanting to learn more about his or her life. You want to make your partner a bigger part of yours. You want to learn everything you can.

And even if you don’t know every little detail, you feel as if you’ve known this person for a lifetime. That’s how you know the love is real.

If you're ready to love, you'll enrich each other's lives; if you're eager to love, you won't care that he isn't bringing anything to the table.

The real way of knowing whether it's true love or not is this: This person should be more than you expected. He or she is more loving and incredible than you ever could have imagined.

This person surpasses your expectations -- and then some.

If you're ready to love, you'll be happy to support your partner; if you're eager to love, you'll be annoyed by your his or her needs.

People are egocentric by nature. But real love changes that. Love allows us to care for others more than we’re even capable of caring for ourselves. In a relationship, you make compromises.

But wanting to make these compromises -- wanting to be there for your partner no matter what -- is what turns love into the reality-altering force that it is meant to be.

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