Ask Auntie Gigi: How Do I Feel Confident During Love Sex?
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Question from the reader:
Dear AUNTIE GIGI,
I really like this guy. We started out as friends, but we've started to see each other. It isn't time to get completely intimate just yet, but when it is (and it will be soon), I'll be scared.
I'm scared because I've gotten so used to one-night stands and f*ck buddy situations that I don't remember what it feels like to have love sex. I also have insecurities about my body and I'm afraid he'll be turned off by them, as confident as I try to act.
How do I calm my nerves?
Ugh, dude. That is so stressful.
There is probably nothing scarier than having real, emotional sex with someone you really like after getting used to keeping things casual. It's awkward AF to manage those feelings. I feel you.
It's hard because one-night stands can often serve as a kind of wall we build up to keep from getting too emotionally close to someone. It's a defense mechanism, and I'm happy you're self-aware enough to recognize that you use the whole “f*ck buddy” dynamic as a way to keep things light.
Because, let's face it, opening up to a dude and then getting screwed over is awful. It's heartbreaking, sure, but even worse than that is the embarrassment, you know? It's like you open up to someone and then right when you get comfortable, they screw you.
But that's the thing, Ash; we all have been there. Every single one of us ladies. No matter how confident you are, you still get screwed over by a f*ckboy at least once in your life. It blows.
I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer right now. I'm just trying to let you know that you're not alone in this. We all want to protect ourselves. And after a while, we start to prefer the no-frills orgasm to the possibility of wasting our time on a loser who doesn't deserve it.
I'm not gonna lie to you, this guy MIGHT turn out to be a douche canoe. The possibility is always out there. You just have to hope for the best. As corny as this sh*t may sound, the right guy is out there. But if you never open up, you can never find love.
And remember that all guys are f*ckboys until they decide to settle down.
Love sex might be nerve-wracking, but it rocks. Coming from your Auntie G, lover of all strange D, you know that is saying something.
Before I met bae, I was getting that eggplant emoji left and right. It was dope. I was down for that life. I wasn't even looking for a commitment, and then my boo thang came out of the woodwork. And I can say with complete honesty that it's the best sex of my life. There is an intimacy there that I never thought I could have, an intimacy that I honestly didn't even think I wanted to have.
Don't mess this up on purpose because you're scared. That is lame as hell. You don't have to worry about this being some high-stakes, all-or-nothing sexy situation. It's the same as all the other sex you've had, only with a guy you actually like.
As for your insecurities about your, I assure you from the depths of my blackened soul that this guy is not going to notice whatever it is you feel insecure about. Guys don't notice the "flaws" that we notice about ourselves. In fact, no one really notices your flaws but you. People are way too wrapped up in themselves to care about some weird fat pocket you think you have on your inner thighs (yes, this is a real example from my life).
We all have insecurities and things we don't like about ourselves. It's just a fact of life. None of us feel 100 percent confident all the time. Most of us are just faking it until we make it.
The way to calm your nerves is to just accept that we all have nerves. We're all insecure AF, especially when we're naked.
And remember this: If a guy were to be turned off by some random thing you don't like about your body, he's a piece of sh*t and you shouldn't be going out with him anyway. Why is a guy looking, let alone commenting, on something he doesn't like about your body? WHO DOES THAT?!
You are a gorgeous, amazing woman and he should feel lucky to have the HONOR to enter your lady-cave. Hope this helps.
Yours in lust, XOXO Auntie Gigi
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