Love Or Lust? How To Determine If Your Feelings Are Real Or Temporary
We’ve all had that one person (okay, maybe more than one) who we fell for, hard and fast.
Everything seemed perfect, in a too-good-to-be-true type of way. The timing was right, the lighting was on point and when you finally had your first kiss, doves flew up into the sky.
And then, every time you saw "your person," you got that nauseated feeling in your stomach.
You probably asked yourself, “Am I in love or is it just food poisoning?” But if you’re like me, maybe you just got that tingling sensation down below. Either way, you were clouded by euphoria and pure bliss.
So what does that mean? Are you in love? Is love really the butterflies you get in your stomach and the everlasting smile on your face that appears every time you see "your person?"
Maybe you’re in the honeymoon stage of your relationship. Everything feels perfect and right. You want to be with your partner 24/7, and miss him or her when you’re not together.
It’s only the beginning, but you feel as though you’ve already managed to get to know your partner in depth, intimately.
Every new thing you learn about him or her just makes you more enthused about your new relationship.
But is it love, or is it just infatuation?
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, infatuation is, “An intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.” People often confuse infatuation with being in love. Infatuation is mostly just based on desire, lust and admiration.
You may believe you have strong feelings for someone, but you might just be admiring more of the superficial characteristics about him or her.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be appearance, but there is a quality that draws you in and propels your desire.
Here are some differences between being in love and being infatuated with someone:
Seeing Your Significant Other’s Flaws
Infatuation: When you are infatuated with someone, you are more likely to think everything about him or her is exactly what you want or what you need from a significant other.
As a result, you will fail to see this person's flaws, mainly because you won’t want to find them.
You won’t want to be disappointed when you find something you don’t like. And even if you do find a couple of imperfections (because we always do, ladies, am I right?), you will make excuses to justify "your person’s" flaws.
As a consequence, this only allows you to get to know "your person" on the surface, rather than to understand the type of person he or she is, and whether or not you mesh well together.
In Love: On the contrary, when you’re in love, you will want to see your significant other’s flaws.
Character flaws, pet peeves, weaknesses and imperfections are all important to know about when getting to know someone on a deeper level — especially if you think he or she may be "the one."
However, rather than obsessing over your person’s flaws or just simply ignoring them, you will be able to accept them.
Your Sexual Relationship
Infatuation: Sex is a wonderful thing. It’s fun, it’s passionate and it’s pleasurable. A sexual connection is obviously imperative in a functional and loving relationship.
However, it should not be the only way you show affection toward one another. When you experience your new boo for the first time, it’s natural to keep wanting more.
After you have sex with your significant other, you’re probably in a good mood, and constantly think about the great time you had together.
That’s all perfectly fine, but if the sex is the only thing that draws you two together, you might be more infatuated than in love.
In Love: Yes, you have a great sexual relationship, but no, you don’t have to have sex all the time. Sex is awesome and always a good time, but when you’re in love, sex is just a bonus.
You genuinely enjoy spending time together and conversing with each other, regardless of whether or not you have sex that day.
Okay, so you probably wouldn’t say no to having sex today, but you’re also just happy to enjoy each other’s company, and that’s what matters most.
Are You Thinking With Your Heart?
Infatuation: So, are you really thinking with your heart, or are you thinking with other parts of the body? Come on, be honest!
Your significant other might be extremely attractive, have a killer bod, be ambitious and successful.
Yes, these are pretty great qualities you’ll want your partner to have, but all of them are really only surface-level.
What’s underneath? Ask yourself; do you even care about finding out what’s underneath it all? If your answer is no, you are clearly not in love.
In Love: When you’re in love, you know you’re thinking with your heart.
Yes, your person is hot and has other amazing external qualities, but you also can’t wait to get to know him or her even more than you already do!
You’re excited to discover something new about this person, and it brings you closer. You love waking up next to each other, and you have a strong friendship that goes beyond your relationship. Good for you!