Why Your Love Life Is Sh*t And What You Can Do About It

by Ariel Kiley and Simone Kornfeld

The following article is not meant to scare you, it is meant to show you the truth. If the truth is frightening, keep reading. If the truth is intriguing, keep reading.

By the end, we hope the truth will become comforting. Though we, the authors of "Smitten," are experts in self-realization and flirtation, we didn’t make this stuff up.

We are simply messengers, here to remind you of this powerful, universal truth, in hopes that by hearing it, your love life will become less of a piece of sh*t.

Your love life is sh*t because you haven’t taken full responsibility for it. The fact is, you are the creator of your entire experience. As it says in "Smitten:"

You are the sole author of your internal state, and therefore, the sole author of your romantic destiny.

Whether you like it or not, you are constantly creating every experience of your life with what you choose to think, feel, say and do. You are not a victim of bad luck or bad people.

Yes, other people’s actions affect you, but the truth is, you chose all of your romantic partners. And, you kept choosing them, regardless of the red flags flapping wildly in your face.

You chose the guy who slept with your bestie and disappeared without a trace. You chose your bestie, too.

You chose that “crazy” chick who mailed your parents a pair of your dirty boxers. Yep, you chose her.

We always have choice, and nobody is responsible for your choices but you. This is the truth you must accept if you are to create the love life of your dreams. Once you have acknowledged that you are, without a doubt, writing your own story, you can then begin to consciously write whatever you like!

You can choose the thoughts, feelings, words and actions that will bring you what you desire. You can create a romance full of drama and surprise, or one defined by consistency and commitment. Or, something else altogether. Here’s how…

Think Only Of What You Want

Thoughts become things. Like a magnetic force, you attract the things you think about. So, you must choose your thoughts carefully and focus only on what you want in your next partner, date or hookup.

Make this vision crystal clear and refuse to imagine any other possibilities. When a doubtful or fearful thought arises, slide it to the side and then think again.

Sit with yourself every day and viscerally imagine your ideal romance until it comes into your experience. If you consistently think it, it will come -- it has to. That's the way it works.

Fully Appreciate The Love You Already Have

You have so much love in your life! Rejoice in that and feel it fully! Your brothers, sisters, coworkers, friends, aunts, grandpas, kitties and puppies love you.

Recognize the many wellsprings of love and be thankful for all of them. Keep a journal of your heartwarming encounters. Say a prayer of thanks before sleep for all the affection you’ve felt during the day.

This will bring more of it to you because, as you recall, you create more of whatever you think, feel and say. So think, feel and speak love.

Dig Deeper

Do some inner investigating and find out if you are unconsciously pushing away the love you want. Are there patterns of problematic people in your life? Do you continue to attract unavailable types?

There may be some old wounds you haven’t quite healed, which are likely holding you on a suboptimal wavelength. Work with a therapist, shaman or healer and tend to those negative beliefs about your self-worth.

Air out angers, process past traumas and unearth old conditioning. This will free you from self-sabotaging behavior and get you closer to real intimacy with another.

Raise Your Vibe

The vibration of love is the highest vibration of all. To attract love, you must match its vibration. So, consciously engage in activities that keep you pulsating on a higher plane.

Spend time in nature, making art, doing yoga, having dance parties and eating fresh foods. Smiling works wonders; simply walk down the street with a smile on your face. This small action will turn your inner light to bright.

You’ll be delighted when you see what beams back in your direction. Get a higher love by getting on a higher vibe.

Get Out There

Of course you know your actions lead to your experiences. Sitting around waiting for love to come knocking won’t cut it. You’ve got to hit the streets. Say yes to all invites, ask friends for hookups and start a conversation with a total stranger.

If you’ve been dissing online dating, ditch that attitude and begin to see it as a forum of infinite potential. Get out there and act. Remember the old axiom: “God will send the bus, but you’ve got to run like hell to catch it.”