Love Isn't All You Need: The Importance Of Trust In Relationships

by Samantha Bun

The world of relationships is fun and exciting until you get into your first fight, when all of your previous doubts and insecurities will flourish to the surface.

At this point, you’ll realize the person you were dating is not the image of perfection that you internalized when everything was all lovey-dovey. Once the honeymoon phase is over, you either learn to the love the person or simply hate him or her.

One phrase I commonly hear is, “I just can’t trust [insert: girls, chicks, boys, men, people…]”

I get it; we have all experienced disappointment or had someone break a silent, sacred pact of trust. But, is it fair to drag that into your next relationship, with someone who really just wants to get to know you?

While you may think you’re entering a fresh, brand-spanking-new relationship, really, you carry so much excess baggage from previous relationships and childhood traumas.

People put up barriers to protect their fragile hearts, which have most likely been broken before and take a long time to break down for new people. They nitpick on little habits or become suspicious about small things, like specific text messages.

It is okay to be cautious; we all want to protect ourselves from getting hurt, but sometimes, people make rash judgments and stir arguments as a result, which only pushes the other person further away.

It’s funny how we do this when we truly just want to be loved.

I know that at times, it can be really difficult to let people into your world, especially when you have been burned before. However, it’s not a nice feeling for the person who genuinely wants to get to know you and love you. This becomes quite difficult when you barricade your heart so that the wall you’ve put up is nearly impenetrable.

I am a very open person and would love to be with someone who is as well. I don’t want this person to share every little detail of his life with me if it feels uncomfortable, but he should also not be so concealed that it feels secretive and I feel totally shut out.

I want to date someone who can welcome me into his life and treat me as a person without preconceptions of what men or women are supposed to be “like.”

I hate feeling guilty before doing something wrong, and often, this is how I feel with people who have intense trust issues. They force me to question what I did wrong when, really, I hadn’t done anything wrong at all. It is incredibly frustrating and causes unnecessary drama.

The thing with people who have trust issues is their need to feed their egos and say, “See, I was right!” They will obsess and fuss until their suspicions are confirmed and more often than not (if they do get proved right), it is because their insecurities pushed the other person away.

When I enter a relationship, I only make my judgments based on my experience with the particular individual because it is unfair to attach my messed up past to that person. This, and I have faith in that there are good people in the world who aren’t out to get me.

Besides, how can you build any relationship without the foundation of trust?

So, knock down those walls and learn to let people in. They aren’t so bad. Honesty is the best policy, right? And if they do manage to hurt you, don’t let that prove your theory right.

If that person breaks your trust, then you can make your next decision accordingly. If he or she screws up again, maybe the person is just all wrong for you and simply, you must move on alone.

Photo via We Heart It