Getting Closure Won't Make Your Breakup Any Easier, So Stop Looking For It

The majority of us have had relationships or almost-relationships that didn't work out, which left massive scars on our hearts.

When something ends out of the blue, it's always tempting to wonder why things happened the way they did. Breakups come with heartbreaks that are sometimes very difficult to get over, and the only thing left to do is to ask those rhetorical questions that might never get answered.

It's hard to come to terms with the fact that someone was not on the same page as you when everything seemed to be going fine. This could be the reason you have trouble moving on for months and have trouble falling asleep at night.

I have heard so many of my friends racking their brains as to why the relationship did not work out while trying to figure out what went wrong. I think the most common advice that a lot of us give in these types of situations is to look for a chance to get some closure.

We give ourselves false hope by believing that a simple heart-to-heart can resolve a heartbreak. As we keep thinking about the questions we want to ask the other person, we involuntarily think up the responses as well. We start to overthink the situation and assume this is how the other person will react to our confrontation.

Some people believe the best way to get over someone and to put their minds at rest is to confront their ex. As tempting as that is, I don't think that's a good idea.

We give ourselves false hope by believing that a simple heart-to-heart can resolve a heartbreak. As we keep thinking about the questions we want to ask the other person, we involuntarily think up the responses as well. We start to overthink the situation and assume this is how the other person will react to our confrontation.

On the other hand, if you do confront your ex, how likely is it that you'll hear exactly what you imagined?

The issue with getting closure is that everyone has to be honest.

Unfortunately, we can't force anyone to be truthful unless we hook them up to a lie detector. Your ex might lie about what was really going on behind the scenes; they might have been seeing someone else, or the relationship was just not a priority from the very beginning.

The issue with getting closure is that everyone has to be honest.

Will they be honest about all of those things? Probably not. No one really likes confrontation. If you put someone on the spot and start to grill them about why they felt a certain way or did a certain thing, most likely no truth will come out.

Some people also just can't put their emotions into words. We all feel things we can't explain at times, and no one can force us to change our minds about the situation. That's the problem with closure: Some people use it as an excuse to try to change the other person's mind.

You might think you are just getting closure when in reality, it's just the illusion of it. The other person might be just as confused as you are about the entire situation, so they lie to save face.

It's difficult to be completely honest with someone knowing that what you say might bring that person pain. As much as we all want to get closure from someone who got away, whether it be an old crush or a recent ex, it might not always be the best option in order to move on.

The problem with closure is some people use it as an excuse to try to change the other person's mind.

Not everyone will be honest with you and not everyone will want to open up. Getting closure might confuse you even more if it wasn't what you had expected to hear.

Relying on getting closure should not be the number one priority after a hurtful breakup. Letting go always takes time and patience.

It's important to understand that there is no quick fix that works for everyone.

This piece was originally published on Unwritten.