How To Look Past The Sting Of Rejection And See It For What It Is

by Claudia Contreras

There is always that one person to whom you keep going back. All the pain this person put you through doesn't matter; the day he or she comes back, you’re right back to where you started.

It all boils down to this mindset we’ve taken on since day one. We grow up hearing about how “winners never quit and quitters never win,” or how you should “never give up on something you can’t go a day without thinking about.”

It’s this idiotic idea we have of perseverance, which we feel the need to apply to every aspect of our lives.

Sure, this mentality can be good in certain situations, but not when it comes to your relationships. And, when I say relationships, I mean those guys who picked you up and tossed you out like an old rag every time they saw fit.

I get it; I’ve experienced it, too. We have them for days, months or even a year, and suddenly, one day, it’s over.

Sometimes, you’re prepared for it; sometimes, he or she just stops reaching out. Once you realize he or she is gone, you start to experience a mental obsession over this person or the situation because you can’t even fathom the idea of being rejected. Why? We simply don’t know how to accept it.

We don’t realize at the moment, but this person only does 50 percent of the damage, the rest we do ourselves.

Rejection starts to trigger all of these senses we can’t control, leading us into a spiral of self-rejection, which makes us feel not only sad and angry, but also unloved and unwanted.

We start to analyze each and every moment; we start to pull apart each and every word, just trying to figure out where it went wrong. It’s a whirlwind of emotions we just can’t handle. This is when the obsession crawls in.

This is when we start to ask ourselves, “How can I get out of this situation?” This situation being, finding a way -- ANY way -- of reversing this unprecedented dismissal and somehow going back to what once was.

I feel the first mistake most of us make is denying to see what was truly wrong with the relationship. We blind ourselves to the negative moments because we just keep reminiscing about the good ones we managed to have.

After a relationship I had ended, I was obsessed with the idea that maybe everything about us had, indeed, been perfect, and I should just get him back.

I remember the first few months after our breakup; I would sometimes go to the places he would frequent with the hope of having him see me and possibly feel something again.

I was open up to the idea that anything could happen after he “coincidently” bumped into me. I mean, how lame do I sound? And, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has done this.

Living in this world of expectations instead of accepting reality will just hurt you more. Instead of not letting rejection get to you, or instead of moving on, you think, “What have I done wrong and how can I make it right?”

This is when you have to take a step back and just stop thinking this way; stop over-analyzing and stop the incessant text messages or phone calls. Enough with the day-to-day social media stalking (you know you do it). Just stop it all.

You have to start analyzing the truth to why your relationship ended and, in some cases, realize if you even had a “relationship” to begin with.

You might have known for some time your relationship wasn’t right. Maybe this person left because it was getting too serious, or he or she found someone new. Maybe this person changed and decided he or she wanted something different.

Just know that whatever the reason is for this person leaving, this rejection has a purpose. It may not take away the pain, but there is always a reason for the heartache.

It might take some time to discover the silver lining, but eventually, you'll find it.