A Letter To The 10 Men Who Broke My Heart — This Is Why It Never Worked

by Alex Schnee

To the recipients of this letter, I’d like to say that it’s not you, it’s me — but the fact is that it was you. The thing is, however, none of the reasons listed here is your fault. They were just reasons I don’t think we would have been good together.

You might say I’m too picky and, yeah, my heart might have been broken a bit, but I think the reasons that kept us apart were for the best in the long term. So, please don’t take offense! I’m lucky to have known all of you — though, I can’t assume you felt the same way.

Here's why none of our relationships could have ever worked:

1. The First Love

The thing about being in love with someone for the first time is that some part of you will always hope this person will be the last. Wouldn’t it have been great to have locked eyes across that kindergarten classroom and never had to look back?

But really, it’s probably for the best. I’ve watched you grow into an entirely different person than the one with whom I would have chosen now that I’m older and wiser.

2. The College Crush

Being with you made me realize what being with someone was truly like. Except, not really because we were in college and couldn’t commit to anything except how wasted we would get Friday night and how hungover we would be Saturday morning.

Drunken declarations of love does not a relationship make, no matter how much I greatly appreciate your ability to quote the great English novelists anytime, anywhere.

3. The “Too Young” Boy

I loved the way you looked at me in utter adoration and your capacity to believe in things that I forgot existed. (True love? That exists?) It felt nice to be taken seriously when I felt like my world was falling apart and I didn’t know exactly what a reverse mortgage is.

But, honestly, you had no idea what a GameBoy is? No one should feel old at age 23.

4. The “Too Old” Man

I loved the way I could look at you in utter adoration and believe in things you didn’t believe existed. (Instagram? That exists?) But, it would have been nice to have been taken a bit more seriously when my world was falling apart and you were amazed that I didn’t know what a reverse mortgage is.

I still have some growing up to do, and being with me would have just held you back.

5. The Handsome Stranger on the Train/Plane/Boat/Street

You had such an amazing smile… Okay, I’m done.

6. The Friend

Of course I loved you. No doubt about it. But, we had been friends for a very long time. I mean, you stuck it out through the asymmetrical haircut I just had to have in high school. That’s friendship. We defined our platonic relationship as a safe place for the both of us — but, there was probably a reason nothing developed after all that time.

I’m always there for you as your friend, and I’ll be there when you end up with someone who is just right for you in every way.

7. The One Who Wasn't “My Type”

I’m all for dating outside of "your type." I mean, why not? I learned some things from you that I never would have had I not tried something — or someone — new. But, when it all came down to it, our values were too different; we didn’t see eye-to-eye, and my parents would have been horrified if I brought you home.

I have no regrets. And, I learned flannel is a good look on me, so…

8. The Foreign Fling

It seemed a shame not to agree to it for posterity’s sake, but honestly, I had no idea what you were saying most of the time. However, you certainly did kiss well.

9. The Dude Who Was “Too Cool For Me”

Not only were you so much cooler than I was, but you were also a much better person. The whole entire time I was with you, I felt like I was capitalizing on your goodness and attractiveness. Not only that, I also could not be myself around you, which meant no lame-ass jokes and the feeling that I had to keep my mouth shut most of the time.

It was a relief when we both decided to call it quits. Even then, you made me feel like you were in the wrong when, clearly, it was the fact I forgot it was our two-month anniversary.. and then three-month. And probably the fact I would not shut up.

10. The Future Significant Other

I have to sometimes remind myself that finding the right person is not a race; there is no prize for the couple who meshes perfectly together the soonest. I still have some growing up to do, so patience will be much appreciated.

I’ll make some mistakes, but I hope you will, too. And if it ends, I hope we’re both able to agree that we learned from the experience and it made us better people.

Anyway, I want to give you all my dearest love.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It