Letting Go Of Your Ex Is Painful, But It's Better For The Both Of You
Letting go isn't always easy. Some relationships run their course to a natural conclusion, but others linger, weighing on us as we go back to leading our daily lives alone.
Sometimes we feel relieved after a relationship ends, happy to be free and alive. But once in a while, we find someone we can’t seem to let go of -- no matter how much we know we should.
I understand what it means to love someone so much that even the thought of never seeing that person again makes you teary.
I understand how it is to think of someone every single day of your life since the day you met -- even when you haven’t seen each other in years.
I understand how it feels to consider the possibility that you may be crazy for being so utterly incapable of forgetting and moving on with your life.
I’m here to tell you it’s time to let go. It’s time to see reality for what it is. No matter how much you wish things had turned out differently, your lives have diverged. Your paths are no longer aligned. You need to let go.
You need to let go for your own sake. And you need to let go for the other person, too. Using all of your strength to hang on is slowly killing you.
You may not see it, but you need to do yourself a favor and take my word for it. Letting go of your ex is the best thing you can do for the both of you.
You need to bury the past.
It’s time to build yourself a better future, and you’ll never do that if you live in the past.
You're making decisions based on the person you love long after the relationship has ended. Everything leads back to your ex.
Even if you're trying to live in the moment, you're not letting go of the past. This game isn't working for you. If it were, you wouldn’t be able to relate to this article. You’re clearly having trouble letting go.
You don’t need to cut ties completely, but you need to look at your ex in a different light.
I won’t say that remaining friends isn’t possible, but the two of you may not be strong enough to make it work. I understand that you care for your ex to an incredible extent, and that he or she likely cares for you, too.
But you can't continue to have the same significance for each other that you did when you were in a relationship. It's stifling your personal growth.
Instead of looking at the possibilities around you, you’ve been looking for ways to get back to the way things once were. But those days are gone.
Your ex will never return and should no longer mean the world to you. You need to figure out a way to change that. This may mean cutting off contact completely.
You’re anchoring yourself to a love that no longer exists.
The love the two of you shared no longer exists. It’s difficult for you to differentiate between the love you once had and the love that you have (or don't have) now.
When you dig into your memory bank to relive old experiences, you're hurting yourself.
Because you're not reliving them. You’re sitting there alone while your ex is somewhere else entirely and not focusing on you. Seems unfair, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not unfair. It’s just reality.
You need to pull up that anchor and allow the currents to take you to somewhere new -- a place where you can once again develop yourself as an individual.
Do it for the both of you. Your ex is almost certainly struggling as well. It may be a different (or lesser) struggle, but it's still a struggle.
Maybe you WILL get back together tomorrow. But today isn’t tomorrow. Today, you need to let go.
It may be better for me to tell you things are over. But that isn't necessarily true. People do sometimes find each other after years -- even decades -- of separation.
But it's very unlikely. And even if you do end up together again, the love you share will be different from the love you used to have.
Love must come from a natural and pure place. Right now you’re holding on to something that is corroded by pain, jealousy and possibly hatred.
You've changed, and you two wouldn't be compatible now. You need time to grow into your own and become the person you know you are.
Then -- and only then -- can you possibly get another chance at making things work. Until that time comes (if it does), you need to move on with your life.
For More Of His Thoughts And Ramblings, Follow Paul Hudson On Twitter, Facebook, And Instagram.