I've been on tons of first dates, and not many of them have warranted a second. Is it because I'm a horrible human being devoid of all social skills? No, well, not that I know of. It's because the person who ticks all of your boxes is quite a hard partner to find.
Today's technology allows us the opportunity to find a potential partner and/or friends with benefits at a rate of about one person per second (depending on how fast you can swipe left or right). Is that the saddest thing I've ever said? Yes, probably. On the contrary, online dating has helped me find dates a hell of a lot easier than if I had to go out and meet someone organically.
But whether you're meeting men online or in real life, the foundation of dating hasn't changed much at all. Twenty years ago, you would avoid your "bad" dates by not calling them or not picking up your telephone. Today, we're still clinging to our phones in hopes they'll text, call, WhatsApp or Instagram message us.
So what is the best way to let a women down? Is there a way to do it that leaves you feeling like you did the right thing? Is there a way to make a girl feel as though she can appreciate your honesty and not feel like a giant lump of turd? The short answer is, yes.
If you go on one or several dates with a woman and decide you're not into her, you could do one of three things. One, you could ignore her completely. Two, you could tell her the date didn't really go well, or that the chemistry was off. Three, you could continue texting or calling her because you feel too bad to tell her the truth (AKA, lead her on).
If you choose to ignore her, especially after you've slept with her, then I (and I would imagine most woman) would feel devastated, heartbroken and used. Experiencing that leaves you with a low self-esteem and an anxious mind that wonders, "What's wrong with me?"I know it's the easiest way for you to let someone down, but you're only proving to us women that you're either a jerk, or you can't stand up for yourself. Neither of these conclusions is desirable.
If you pluck up the courage to be kind and sensitive in your approach by telling a woman you aren't interested in a second date, then I have a lot of respect for you. Yes, it will probably hurt our feelings. We may still feel as though we're not good enough, or that will never find "the one." But, it shows us you are empathetic and courteous.
If you decide to keep talking to her, even though you're not interested in anything romantic, then you're — plainly put — leading her on. To be honest, this could be just as bad as — or worse than — "ghosting." You're wasting our time, and you're giving us false hope. We're also feeling the rejection 10 times more because you keep making us feel like don't want anything to do with us. I know you think you're doing the right thing and being kind by replying and continuing to talk to us, but that's not really how we see it.
At the end of the day, what's the best way to end things with a woman after one or more dates? It's safe to say that getting dumped is not a great experience, whichever way you plan to do it. But if we felt something for you, we're going to hurt anyway. There's nothing you can do to stop that. Having an adult conversation about it proves to us we're worth something, and that there are some good men out there.
In all of my 28 years on this planet, I've experienced only one respectful breakup. That person is still in my life today as a friend. The rest lost my respect the second they ignored me and decided to stop answering their phones or replying to my texts. I cut them out of my life once they told me they were interested in going out again, but actually weren't.
The bottom line is, treat people with respect because kindness doesn't cost you a thing. If you ever find yourself doing something because it benefits you or makes you feel more comfortable at the expense of another person's feelings, then you, kind sir, can GTFO.