Ladies Is Pimps Too

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They say players only love you when they’re playing. Well if so, I’m perfectly fine remaining a Toys R Us kid. I love playing doctor and Twister drives me wild. But Dreamphone was always my favorite.That's when I learned how easy it was to dial a new number and take my chances on making a new friend.

The original booty call. You might wife up Steve for Saturdays, but Wednesday, Thursday, Friday was Spencer, Dan, and Gary. Roll call.

Women have garnered the fallacious reputation of being sore losers when guys duck out on a second play date. Hey, it’s hard cuming by a joystick long enough to win with. But from my own experiences as a playette, men are just as likely to throw a temper tantrum when refused a milkshake. Cry me a river, you still won’t be as wet as I am when I get dressed after getting mine.

Welcome to the age of the manizer. Brought to you by the letter ‘O’ and the ladies who like to be licked but don’t give a flying f*ck about your lollipop. In the name of mankind’s debt to reciprocation, we have a platter of men on rotation. And so we leave in the middle of the night without giving you our names and no we don’t want your number... and to be honest I’d rather not give you mine.

Did my ¡O! face distract you from the fact that I just came four times while you’re left to bop it in the toilet? Guess you didn’t see it cumming with your face tongue deep in my pussy for 30 minutes straight.

How many licks does it take ‘til you get to the center of the uh? Better be sure it’s not one too few or you’ll be leaving hungry even after you’ve feasted on the filet mignon. If you don’t have the appetite of Michael Phelps, you better believe I’m not saving your name in my phone. Just another hoe in another area code.

We’ve heard enough talk about the womanizer: the man with success, glory and mad chicks he bangs -- never twice. ENOUGH talk about how girls are all clingy saps who just want to trick you into trusting them. Can’t trust a hoe. But what’s trust got to do with me? You are obviously going through withdrawal from that pussy that tasted so good you’re still licking your lips to her Facebook page.

She tricked you into playing 52 pickup and you couldn’t handle the game. You thought you were McLovin’ but ended up Jackin’ off to the queen of slow fades. Say hello to the females who are well aware that you’re all just young, dumb and full of cum.

Get used to the bitchez who’ve given up on keeping a “list” back around 6 or 9 or exactly where those meet in the Irish sense. The only list worth keeping is of who is left to do. What’s in a name anyway? A Dick by any other name would talk as cheap.

Personally, I find it more enticing to remember the professions, piercings or places that kept me panting. More desert dunes than drive-ins, fewer beds than bushes. And not once was it okay for mr. man to beat around mine. Please apply direct pressure to my neck, my back...and well you know what comes after that.

I’ve been around the world and ay, ay, I’ve heard my name screamed in more accents than Rosetta Stone. Men have spent more time down under than I’ve even entertained the thought of making my way downtown. I do a fair amount of it all for the nookie, for that feeling of playing with a shiny new toy and for the adrenaline rush of the manhunt.

In a league of our own there’s no crying in running bases or catching fly balls. Generation TAP is all about now, not later. So don’t hate the player, f*ck the shame.

Alyssa Aparicio | Elite. Follow her on Twitter: @starspicy