Ladies, Band Together: 6 Ways You Can Help Prevent The Douchebag Epidemic

by Paul Nyhart

Douchebags are everywhere, ladies.

They're in a Lexus shouting at you from car windows, only to peel away in an instant, providing little to no time to even offer a proper response.

They're trying to fly you to Europe even though they just met you, describing the hotel room you'll wake up in the next morning, conveniently leaving out that you'll be waking up next to them.

Douchebags are out of control. Perhaps I'm a douchebag for even writing this article, but my mission is noble: to make your life easier, to save you time and, MOST importantly, to encourage women to rid us of the douchebag epidemic.

That's right: At the end of the day, women are the ones who are going to have to curb the amount of douchery that's going on. The truth of the matter is that women have created many of today's douchebags ON PURPOSE.

Women are more independent and more consumed with the workplace and their career endeavors than ever before. Many want a temporary man; one who's going to supply them a quick thrill or a fun night out and be easily replaceable without the fear of commitment.

Enter the douchebag: the perfect candidate for any girl looking for a fling but no ring.

Those ladies may get what they want, but unfortunately, the relatively normal, stable men begin to assume that the douchebag is ACTUALLY what women are looking for and start adopting those qualities.

It's a behavioral pattern that must be stopped. Ladies, take charge and stop the douchebag movement once and for all.

Here are six places to start:

1) If you just gave a guy your number, and he texts instead of calling...

Don't text him back. Make him call.

Ladies, never forget how lazy men are. If you give us an outlet to make the process of dating easier, we’ll take it with arms open. Calling a girl is tedious, uncomfortable and tremendously inefficient, especially when you can send a simple text, which can easily be blast out to multiple girls. A guy can get a lot of miles out of “What are you up to, gorgeous?”

Making a guy work for it will cause him to like you more than the other girl who responds in five seconds with several emoticons. Don’t allow a guy to have it easy; make him take the time. You're worth it.

2) If a first date includes a visit to his place, a drive in his car or a nightclub...

Run. Fast. The other way.

"I think I really like you, you could be a great girl for me ... I know! Let’s go back to my place where I can get to know you better and see if you and I are compatible."

...said no guy ever.

If a guy asks you over to his place, it’s not to get to know your interests better.

This would seem like common sense to the everyday woman, yet men continue to offer up the, “Hey why don’t you come over to my place” as a first date option, which means it must be working.

No guy should be inviting you over to his place until maybe the third or fourth date, unless he’s a douchebag who just wants to hookup with you.

As for nightclubs, I understand plenty of people enjoy them. In my experience, if you like paying a 2,000 percent premium for liquor, maybe getting stabbed and definitely getting spilled on, then they’re a great option.

Otherwise, clubs reserved for douchebags who need a direct, obnoxious way to show you they have money and maybe enough status to get you into a four by eight foot room that will just be closed down in a month and replaced by a purse store.

Don't accept these date options as your fate, and you'll see the douches clean up their game in no time.

3) If he won’t put his phone away during dinner...

He's a douche and not worth your time or attention.

Douchebags are notorious for talking to you through your phone, oftentimes throwing a Bluetooth into the picture just to cement their status. It’s all part of a less than subtle display to show they don’t really need you.

Most woman seem to counter this by simply playing with their phones themselves, making for a rousing dinner that includes two people who might as well be in separate cities.

Call him out on it: He’ll act perturbed but it will probably get his rocks off a bit to have a woman rib him for something even a douchebag know is douchey. This is the first date we're talking here; make it your exception.

4) If you’re not his girlfriend after four months of dating…

You've got to move on...

Girls hate to hear this one, but it’s absolutely true. If you’ve been dating consistently for about four months, barring any substantial events or time off (traveling, work etc.) something is up.

Most guys know if they want to be your boyfriend by the fourth or fifth date. I’d say probably as early as the second, but it depends on the guy. If four months have come and gone and you’re still wondering "what you are," you’re letting the guy off the hook.

Remember, dudes are lazy; we have no reason to rush into a relationship UNLESS we really like you and want to lock it down. We’ll start thinking about that within one to three months, and certainly by the fourth.

Life is short; unless you’re okay playing the field casually, don’t allow yourself to get involved with something you can’t define. If you feel any indecision by the four-month mark, all you have to do is cut him off. He can shut off the douche gap or take the act for someone else to have as their problem.

5) If he asks to take a selfie…

This one should be obvious, but lo and behold, not a day of the week passes by where you don't see some yahoo trying to initiate a selfie with some poor woman who was already reluctant to respond to this guy's, "Hey what are you doing tonight" text.

I understand selfies are a thing, and are not only socially acceptable, but also encouraged. But the only reason a guy is going to take a selfie on a first date is because he's a douche, just wants to show off his new hotness and probably make a few girls, who already broomed him for being a douche, jealous.

6) Get the hell off Tinder

Tinder may be popularized as "mainstream," but that doesn't mean it's breeding healthier relationships. It's less vulnerable, more superficial and easier for MEN to get dates and get laid.

This creates a douchebag mentality. I know a lot of friends -- guys and girls -- who have had success on Tinder, but remember our salient theme: Guys are lazy.

Perhaps an app that allows them to ask a girl out for a date without so much as putting pants on, might not be the best move to breed more pro-active dudes.

Remove yourselves from Tinder, force a guy to say "hi" to you in a coffee shop instead of online and you'll see a stronger, more decisive gentleman. Not some douche with googly eyes scrolling through whatever headshot suits his fancy.