The Hardest Part Of A Relationship Is Keeping Its Details To Yourself

by Lauren Martin

The only thing harder than keeping a relationship is keeping your mouth shut about it.

As much as we want to be those cool, calm and inconspicuous couples, we can’t help but always come out looking crazy, neurotic and totally transparent. Instead of making people wonder about our relationship, we make them wonder why we’re still in it.

We crave intimacy, yet once we get it, we become an open book. We talk about our sex lives, our fights and those small nuances of out partners that we can’t stand.

But we can’t help it. We need to vent. We need to talk it out. We need advice and consultation.

Yet by talking so much to help us through the relationship, we ruin the relationship from the outside in. We sabotage our significant others with gossip and bad portrayals.

If you’ve ever been in the relationship, you’ve undoubtedly been the victim of the one-day breakup or the one-day sabotage.

It’s when you get in a huge fight with your significant other and, in a fit of fury, “end it.”

You cry to your friends, your mom and anyone else who will listen. You say this person is dead to you and you hate him or her. Then you get back together.

You get back together, and suddenly, your relationship is no longer yours.

It’s no longer intimate, special or something people want to know about. It’s just something you cried about and wasted everyone’s sympathy and time over, and now no one wants to hear it.

You’ve talked it out so much that you’ve talked everyone out of wanting to hear about it.

We’re oversharing, and it makes us look like idiots.

It’s one of those relationship catch-22s. You have to vent to keep your relationship together, yet once you’ve vented, no one wants you to stay together.

If you talk about how sh*tty your boyfriend is being, everyone is going to tell you to break up.

But you’re only talking to your friends to get the advice you need to stay together.

Either way, you should just keep your foot in your mouth.

We're so quick to end and then mend.

Because we have the support of everyone around us, the strength of our single friends and the advice of our mothers, we don’t hesitate to throw something away.

Within minutes, we realize the single life isn’t the one we want, and we quickly try and get back what we just threw away.

We place no real emphasis on the breakup, and thus end things as quickly and sporadically as we mend them.

We turn people off from getting to know our partner the way we want them to.

We want people to love our partners the way we do, yet we only tell them the things we hate about them.

Unless you’re the kind of person single people want to shoot, you’re not sharing about how wonderful and perfect your relationship is. You’re sharing how lucky they are that they’re single.

You’re making them feel better by making your significant other worse. And then, when you’re finally ready to have everyone come together, to create a circle of your favorite, most important people, they already hate each other.

You’ll never get the sympathy you need when it really ends.

Unfortunately, there’s only one sympathy card in every relationship. You get one shoulder to cry on and one day of self-loathing.

You get compassion, empathy and unlimited tears one time and one time only.

When you get back together, when he becomes your prince charming again, when you gain your relationship back, you must remember that you’ve also just lost your sympathy card.

When you break up for real, or at least the second time, no one wants to hear it. You’re on your own unless you just want to be consoled with “I told you so.”

The advice isn't good for your relationship.

You can only give advice on what you know, and what people tell you is always based off their own experience in their own relationships. Relationships, however, are unique, like snowflakes.

You can't judge one by the other and can't figure out a definite blueprint. It's about your own needs and your own dynamic.

Talking it out, asking for advice and judging your relationship on the words of others usually only ends up

Your relationship will never be just yours.

It's your mom's, your best friend's and your coworker's. It's everyone you ever vented to.

Your relationship is no longer this private affair you can go home to; it's everyone's drama and everyone's business. You've lost the one thing that was supposed to just be yours.

On the bright side, you never have to spend hours catching everyone up.