It starts off as a casual encounter. A few texts, an exchange of naughty pictures perhaps, during those late hours of the night when you might be feeling a little too brave. So innocent. He puts forth his best efforts to impress you, and you fall harder and harder with every affectionate word or gesture. Then he drops this one on you: “why did you go out to a club?”
This is the stage that I never want to reach in a relationship. The stage where jealousy is no longer contained in the sub primitive part of your partner's brain, and starts revealing itself in attempts to control you. That's usually the point where I lose my sh*t.
Not only is it when I start to get extremely defensive, it is also when I start to purposely sabotage the relationship and do exactly what it is that I am apparently “not allowed” to do. Like a little child who's just been told not to do something, I purposely pull my pants down and go potty on the side walk. Don't tempt me.
I never understood jealousy or the idea of ownership, which for me go hand in hand. Why can't two people have a harmonious relationship and still continue living their lives and do what it is they like doing when they are apart? Have you paid my father two goats and a camel and I wasn't aware of the exchange?
First of all, I believe in setting parameters. If there are certain activities or behaviors that one cannot tolerate, those should be communicated face to face when the boundaries of a relationship are established. Without that talk, I am free to assume I can do whatever my little heart desires.
The funniest part is that it's not like I suddenly picked up crack smoking like Rob Ford, I merely partook in an activity that he was well aware that I enjoy from time to time. So why is it that suddenly it became a problem? Is the next step dungeon shopping? Because if it is, I hear that leasing is a lot safer, financially.
Trying to control your partner's actions will not guarantee loyalty. Note, that at any given point there are at least 5-10 men vying for your woman's attention. That exact thing that you first found attractive in her is sure to catch others' attention as well.
Just because you might be able to eliminate some opportunities by directing her to avoid certain environments, doesn't stop her from being noticed in other places. Coworkers, doormen, waiters, construction workers, those are all around (I didn't say they were quality men).
Also, if you found yourself a quality woman, you should know that the attention is constant. You knew what you signed up for when you decided to buy a Rottweiler, don't stuff it in a purse and insist on taking it to Wal-Mart with you.
Now I know that this issue goes both ways and women get loca with jealousy as well, especially when a hot woman walks by and they look at her like she's their biggest threat since reverse parking. However, we are a lot more passive aggressive and usually reveal our jealousy when another issue has surfaced. “You left the milk carton on the table again! I bet you f*cked all those strippers at Rob's bachelor party too!”
What it comes down to is trust, and some self-esteem. Also, a good pair of balls.
Now stop being a jelly belly and enjoy the quality woman you were able to catch. Let her shine under the disco lights. If you treat her right, there's no reason she'll run off with the pool boy.
Anna Shul | Elite.
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