Believe it or not (and some of you may not), love at first sight is a real thing. My husband and I were hanging out for about five weeks before we decided to get married. And three weeks later, we were married. And now, we've been happily married for six months. Would we say it was love at first sight? Absolutely.
The thing is, my husband and I are also past 30. (OK, not by much. We're both 31.) That age, though, is old enough to have been around the block and know what works and what doesn't. Were our family and friends a little freaked out when we decided to tie the knot so fast? Of course, but we weren't. We knew what we were getting into with clear heads and happy hearts.
When you think you've fallen in love with someone at first sight, that's awesome, but it's also not the only thing you should rely on. Falling in love (and in my case, getting married) is a serious proposition that requires a lot of internal analysis. I knew my husband was "the one" for me, but that didn't stop me from sitting down and having some serious conversations with myself about whether pursuing the relationship so quickly was the right thing.
So what did some of those converations entail? Well, a few serious questions to determine whether I was really in love or just along for the ride. Here are five questions to ask yourself if you think you are in love at first sight:
1. Am I Just Physically Attracted To Them?
This may be the easiest of the questions to answer, but it is still an extremely important one. Physical attraction is a huge thing, especially between strangers and new sexual partners, so you want to really sit down and think about whether it's just lust you feel, and not love.
Being just physically attracted to my husband was never something I was worried about, because I knew it felt different than anything before it. Of course, I was insanely physically attracted to him, but because of certain circumstances (like that we were both at home visiting our parents when we linked up), we weren't able to actually have sex for a minute. That, I think, helped the emotional connection truly solidify. Even if we would've had sex right away, though, I would have been honest with myself about why I thought I was in love, as should you.
If you think you are in love at first sight, make sure it's not just their body that you want. Love and lust are two totally different things: One can sustain a relationship forever, and one certainly cannot.
2. Has This Happened Before?
Are you the person who's constantly falling in love? Do you think you're going to marry every one of your partners? If so, you may want to second guess your falling in love at first sight this time around.
That's not to say it's not possible for you to really be in love right away, but the chances of it are small when you are a hopeless romantic who is constantly looking for your forever partner. So if you've been in this exact situation before, think twice about whether you are actually in love, and maybe give it a little more time before you jump in head first.
3. Am I Willing To Accept That I Can't See Their Flaws Yet?
While I believe it's totally possible to fall in love at first sight (as evidenced by my quick and successful marriage), I don't believe it's possible to see a partner's flaws at first sight. Getting to know your partner and all the adorable things they do, as well as all the annoying AF things, can't be done without time.
That doesn't mean you should give up on your love, but it does mean you should go in with both eyes open, ready to find out things about them that you might not expect.
My husband and I went into our marriage knowing that we were going to learn things about each other every day. And we went in knowing that we were going to like some of those things and dislike some of them. But we were prepared and decided to love each other through it all no matter what.
If you've fallen in love at first sight, make sure that you are ready to learn all the little idiosyncrasies about your partner. If you aren't ready, give it some more time before declaring your love.
4. Do Our Values Match Up?
A relationship isn't just built on love alone. It's built on trust, communication, and respect. One of the most important building blocks for a relationship is the values your partner has. But do theirs line up with yours?
My husband and I had several lengthy discussions about what we valued in life, both before and after we got married. It was important to us to make sure we were going into our relationship as adults, and that we wouldn't be totally shocked to find that we didn't get along a few months after marriage. We talked about things like whether we wanted kids, how we planned to spend money, what we wanted our life to look like, and more.
Make sure you and your beloved have similar values if you think you've fallen in love. It'll help ensure a strong relationship down the line.
5. How Do They Feel About Me?
So, you're in love. Awesome. But how does the object of your affection feel about you?
Although you might not think this is important at first (as you may assume their feelings, if not already the same as yours, will catch up), it's very necessary that both parties are on the same page if they want a healthy relationship. If you are wildly, madly, deeply in love with them and they are lukewarm about you, not only will your resentment grow, but so will their distance. Ideally, both partners should be on the same page for the relationship to blossom naturally.
Falling in love feels wonderful, and love at first sight especially is a really nice, whirlwind ride. That said, you have to go in with your eyes open, so ask yourself these questions before you jump into anything too big.
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