When it comes to giving dating advice for men, women are not on the top of my list of people I'd go to. Let's get keep it real: They usually give advice like, "Be yourself," "Don't try to sleep with her on the first night" and my personal favorite, "Just buy her a drink." Really?
But when it comes to the exclusive art of physically approaching a woman, women's advice is brilliantly simple. It's so simple that most men don't believe it'll ever work. The advice is, "Just go up to her and introduce yourself."
For the first two months of learning how to cold approach a women, the only way I felt comfortable starting a conversation with a woman was through complimenting or noticing something in the environment and pointing it out to her.
But the minute I began to introduce myself as my opener, there was a dramatic difference in the way women reacted to me. Women became attracted at a faster rate, and at times, women asked me for my number. That was a shocker.
The reason why introducing yourself works so well is because of what it says about the person's self-esteem. The interactions went along the lines of this:
Her: How do you think that all you need to get my attention is to simply introduce yourself while all the other guys are using cheesy pickup lines?
Me: *Unapologetically shrugs shoulders*
Her: It must be true, so let me find out who this guy is.
Don't fool yourself; there's more to that opener than meets the eye. You have to introduce yourself and assume that the person's already attracted to you. You have to believe that you're enough to get her attracted to you.
Because at the end of the day, she won't be reacting to your words; she'll be reacting to you. If she feels flattered, she won't be flattered by the words you use because you'll simply be introducing yourself. She'll be flattered by you and only you.
That's the beauty and simplicity behind this approach. Here are four reasons why introducing yourself is the best pickup line:
1. Your true self always shines through.
I believe if two guys — one a cool guy and one who thinks he's a loser — approaches a woman and uses the same line, the woman is going to perceive them in two totally different lights. Just remember this is no wishy-washy approach. You either do it 100 percent or don't do it at all.
But if you approach assuming attraction beforehand, your action will have more boldness to it. You believe she's already attracted to you, you'll speak with more certainty and it'll be reflected in your tone of voice, body language and your reaction to her. It'll radiate so much confidence that it'll create instant attraction.
2. Make sure you're self-amused.
Don't be too serious. Have fun when you introduce yourself. Focus on "gaming yourself" instead of gaming her.
If you say hi, say hi in a way that makes you laugh. As silly as it sounds, that helps you let loose, and it allows your true personality to come forth.
Even though you want to talk with this person, you don't need to. These are two different things. As a result, you'll show interest, but it won't come off as needy or weird because you're self-amused by your own actions.
It'll seem odd that a guy who's showing interest is not saying and doing things to get a reaction. It's odd because most guys usually do and say things to get a woman to react to them.
That's how you're able to stand out from all the other guys. You won't be trying to be something else, but you'll be comfortable enough with being you. You are so comfortable that you use your name as your own opener.
3. Let go of any need to "try."
This is why it may feel foreign to you if you never used this opener or never opened at all. You'll feel as though you need to add some flavor to it, but don't. Just relax yourself when you feel the need to have some control over people's perception of you.
Observe your reaction and listen to the thoughts and emotions that radiate from the need to please. It'll eventually be dissolved from your nervous system.
4. Don't try to control what's out of your control.
So remember to approach her, get her attention, shake her hand and introduce yourself. Then you can ask her what she's up to and take it from there.
Just make sure you're self-amused by focusing on doing things that make you laugh, and let the chips fall where they may. Don't try to control things that are out of your control.
