It was junior year of college and my friends and I had decided to branch out and start hanging out with a new group of guys.
Unlike the guys we normally hung out with, we didn't know literally every disgusting detail about this new group of boys. And let me tell you, it is AMAZING how much more attractive a guy can be when you don't know exactly who he porked last weekend and where and in what position.
So, anyways. As you can imagine, one of my friends ended up being interested in one of these new guys. They finally shared a steamy make-out on our front porch and she was STOKED. He was so hot. He was so fun. He was so nice. Can you say, total package?
Well, not quite. A few days after the fateful make-out, she was scrolling through the likes page on her Instagram feed (you know, the page where you can creepily see what everyone you follow is liking) and that's where she saw it: BUTTS. Butts everywhere.
Yep, you guessed it. Her dreamboat crush had liked at LEAST 37 pictures from accounts like "SexyLadyButts" (OK, it was over three years ago and I just made that name up but like, I swear, they all sounded like that). His weird activity covered her entire feed.
Needless to say, he was dead to her. In an instant, the extreme crush was gone. And the worst part is he didn't even realize how badly he had salted his own game.
Unfortunately, it has recently come to my attention that guys have become familiar with this little Instagram feature and are now coming up with new and innovative ways to keep their tracks covered. One of my male co-workers, who shall remain unnamed, informed us of a little trick he and his friends use that I, for the greater good of humanity, will share with you here.
Basically the way it works is, the minute guys like a few pictures posted by their ex or "SexyLadyButts" or something equally offensive, they cover their tracks by liking about a million pictures from a completely neutral account like "NationalGeographic" so those likes blast your "Following" feed and push out the shady activity.
For example, if I was afraid of the guy I was seeing noticing my shady Instagram activity, I would like a bunch of "NatGeo" pics so that this would be all he sees on his feed:
So next time you see your boyfriend liking a few too many pictures on his mom's account, maybe it's time for some more extensive digging. Or maybe the takeaway here is that, next time you like a picture on "SexyLadyButts," you can cover your tracks by liking a million pictures on another account.
I'm not the boss of you, do with the information what you will.