How Putting Up With Inconsistent Men Is Sabotaging Your Dating Life
Girl meets boy. Girl gets to know boy. Girl connects with boy. Girl falls head over heels for boy. Boy leaves girl. Girl is confused. This could be the theme for every woman who has ever fallen for a guy and gotten her heart broken.
You did everything a good girlfriend should do for the guy she loves. You believed in him, you were his biggest supporter, you made time for him, you listened to him and you were there when he needed you most.
Yes, you did everything right, yet you still lost him. But can you really lose someone you never really had to begin with? The answer is quite simple: You can't. Sometimes, doing everything right can actually be all wrong when you are doing it for the wrong person. This is why I never want you to be the woman who bends over backward for a guy who isn't truly interested in bending a little for you in return. This woman will always lose.
It begins with an inconsistency in time. The Millennial woman is used to juggling multiple tasks at once: romance, school, work, family, friends and everything else in between. We often are last on our own priority list because we are so busy trying to take care of everyone else. So, when the guy who makes your heart skip a beat comes along, it is only natural you'll want to want to spend as much time as possible with him.
He is your happy place where there is no stress, only good times and great memories. You are bearing the brunt of the world on your shoulders, but you still find time for him. So, my question to you now is this: If you have a busy schedule and you find a way to make time to spend with him, why can't he do the same for you? What exactly makes his time more important than yours? In life, we choose to make time for who we want, when we want to. Period.
Constantly rearranging your schedule for someone who refuses to do the same for you is an insult to your integrity as a human being. It is unacceptable. Dropping what you're doing and always running when a guy hollers for you will not make him respect you. In fact, it will do the exact opposite. You will create a monster you will be responsible for feeding. You'll feel as though you'll always have to be there at his beck and call.
You also find inconsistency in emotional fulfillment. He may make you swoon when he is next to you. I'm even willing to bet he has intellectual and inspiring conversations with you and is romantic and thoughtful when you hang out. So in return, you uplift him with your words and actions.
You check on him and wish him a great day every morning, you tell him how much he means to you and you probably even tell him how great he is, just to make him feel special. You are a virtual pitcher of water, continuously pouring support and encouragement into his empty emotional glass.
But what happens when you run out of water? Who is there to reciprocate the same sentiments of appreciation, support, love and encouragement to you? You may as well be in a relationship with yourself because your guy is failing to give you the same dedication you consistently give to him.
This inconsistency then seeps into your everyday life. He is with you and all about you on Friday, but when the next week rolls around, he is “busy” or “going through something.” So, he disappears, and you just deal with it. He comes back around a few weeks later and is as sweet as can be. He promises you the moon and the twinkling stars of the night sky. He may even wine and dine you to make up for the time he has missed.
He calls and texts you at least every other day, and things seem to be looking up. Before you know it, another week has gone by. Just as the vapor from a boiling pot of water, he has disappeared yet again. Are you dating Casper? Where does he go? Are you overreacting? You are most certainly confused.
If he claims to care about you, he shouldn't just pop in and out of your life at his convenience. You are as good today as you were yesterday, and you will be just as good tomorrow. It should never be OK for someone to refute that statement by showing he can only be there for you on some days, not of all of them.
It makes you become the woman who consistently accepts inconsistency from the guys you date. You have lost your self-respect because you have become OK with settling for less than you deserve. You have chosen to accept whatever leftovers a guy gives you instead of demanding he gives you the best he has to offer.
You function in an excuse-ridden world of second chances because you don't challenge the lies you know you've been told. You are heartbroken because you have given everything you have to make a relationship work with a person who was never truly interested in creating a lasting relationship with you to begin with.
The good news is, it is never too late to turn things around. You can demand to be treated a certain way and hold firm to expectations you have set for a person. You can stand by your relationship standards and wait for Mr. Right to come along, instead of trying filling a void with Mr. Wrong.
Ultimately, you are faced with two choices: You can be the woman who wins and gets the incredible guy, or you can be the woman who keeps bending over backward for the inconsistent guy. That woman will always lose.