Why I'm The Man You Deserve, But Not The Man You Want Right Now

by Paul Hudson

You spend the first half of your life running around trying to figure out what matters to you and what doesn’t, and the second half finding your purpose and pursuing it. When you know what you want, everything else becomes trivial.

The better you understand yourself, the more experience you have and the clearer the life you want becomes. When we learn more and more about ourselves throughout our lifetimes, we come to a point of clarity.

We come to a point at which we know what we want, and we know what we have to do to get it.

When we’re talking about relationships, however, we're not the only people in the mix; whenever you add another person to the equation, you hand over partial control of your reality.

You could be the greatest person in the world -- but it doesn’t mean others will necessarily acknowledge or recognize it.

You could be clear on what you’re looking for in a partner, but unable to make it work because the person isn't. Sometimes, you’re exactly who he or she needs, but not what he or she wants.

You deserve a future, but you prefer to dwell in your past.

You’re hung up on that guy or girl you’ve been hung up on since you parted ways. Maybe he or she treated you like sh*t. Maybe you weren’t a good match. Maybe the timing was off. Maybe one or both of you wasn’t mature enough to hold it all together.

The truth is, it doesn’t matter why you decided to break up. What matters is you DECIDED to break up.

This isn’t to say you can’t change your mind, realize you made a mistake, mature enough to be ready for a loving relationship, but you are clearly still deciding it was a mistake the two of you were together.

If you’re hung up on someone because you know you love him or her with all your heart and soul, then go get him or her. If not, move on with your life. Either way, don’t waste another day.

You deserve to be in a relationship, but you want nothing more than your freedom.

It’s difficult to accept two people can both be two separate individuals and, at the same time, a single entity. Even if you can understand it in theory, it proves rather difficult in practice.

Most people waver between wanting a loving partner and wanting nothing more than their freedom. What I’m telling you is they can be the very same thing.

If you deserve to be in a loving relationship then, truth be told, you will have to give a part of yourself away -- but you’re giving it to the person you love… so you’re not really giving it away, are you?

You deserve an adult, but you want to date a child.

You deserve someone who will be there for you physically, mentally and financially. You want someone who is honest with his or her emotions because he or she understands his or her emotions and has no issue communicating how he or she feels.

You deserve someone who won’t run away at the first sign of trouble and who won’t say hurtful things after getting too emotional.

You deserve someone who understands what it means to be in an adult relationship. But instead, you go for someone who has no purpose in life and doesn’t understand how incredible you really are.

Kids have a difficult time understanding such complex things.

You deserve a friend, but you want a loner.

Sure, your partner is a mystery, which can be sexy. You know what’s not sexy? Someone who doesn’t want to be there for you because he or she is too busy with his or her own life.

Someone who doesn’t want to share his or her life with you because he or she doesn’t feel like there’s enough room.

It’s easy to be drawn in by such people, as we all are attracted to the unknown, to the mysterious and maybe even slightly dangerous.

But such individuals don’t make good partners. They never give you enough, but just enough to keep you wanting more. They’re the worst kind of addiction.

You deserve love, but you want drama.

People often confuse these two things. Love is often accompanied by drama, but only because the romantic side of love feeds off it. Drama is excitement and when you pair excitement with love, you get passion.

There, however, is a difference between the two; love and drama don’t necessarily come hand in hand. A little drama is good for a relationship, but no amount of drama will do if the person you’re with doesn’t truly love you.

If you don’t know what true love is, then figure that out first. The rest will make itself known to you.

You deserve a partner, but you want a leech.

You deserve someone willing to be there for you every step along the way -- you deserve a teammate, a partner in crime.

You deserve a person who won’t give up on you, who will motivate you when you need motivating, and fight your battles for you when you don’t have the strength to carry on. You deserve someone who cares as much about you as you do yourself.

Yet instead, you go for someone who sucks the life straight out of you. Someone who abuses you and takes advantage of you.

You may feel like offering yourself up to him or her is love, but it’s not. You shouldn’t have to suffer just for his or her benefit alone.

You deserve your dream life, but you want to settle.

You only get one life. You only get one chance to do what you want to do and live life the way you want to live. There are no second chances. No resort and spa up in the clouds. This life is your gift -- make sure it’s enough.

Don’t waste your time with individuals who don’t deserve a place in your life.

Don’t settle because settling is never an option; you’ll either be miserable for the rest of your life or you’ll end up getting a divorce and starting from scratch. Settling is never settling; it’s accepting failure.

You deserve me, but you want to stay lost.

Sometimes you can do nothing more than accept some people don’t and won’t understand how incredible you are. It’s not always in your control and that’s something you need to accept.

If you’re the dream guy or girl everyone is looking for, then don’t worry, you’ll find someone to love you the way you deserve. It may take some time, but have faith.

Just be sure that you are exactly what your dream man or woman deserves. Most people spend too much time focusing on what they "deserve” without ever stopping to think about what the other deserves.

The truth is, if you aren’t able to consider whether or not you are good enough for the person you love, then you aren’t good enough.

It’s that plain and simple. Love relies on caring, often putting your partner’s needs ahead of your own. If you don’t understand that, then you are not what your partner deserves. So stop complaining and fix yourself.

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