I can't pretend that I wasn't pretty upset when I first found out that the man I'd always thought I was going to marry was walking down the aisle with someone else.
And not just anyone, but the woman that he had cheated on me with. The woman that helped him shatter my rose-colored-glasses world.
Facebook happily gave me the news. Which was of course, the same way it had revealed the cheating. (Damn you, Facebook stalking skills!)
So I sat at a bar with my current boyfriend while he tried to awkwardly comfort me and casually ask me if I was really sure I was over my ex. I cried and said yes while downing my fourth mojito and texting my best friend. I begged her to handle my boyfriend's insecurities so I could focus on my sorrow.
Like a champ, she handled it. I'm still not entirely sure what she said to him, but she is also a member of the "my ex is a cheating bastard" club, so I trust her judgment.
The booze didn't help much with my keeping my shit together. I felt apart almost as badly as the day I had found out about what he had done to me. I crawled into bed filled with self-pity and fear of my looming poodle lady status.
The next day, I picked up my hungover self and moved on because I was over him.
I am over him.
More importantly, I'm happy for him.
We were never meant to be forever and it doesn't matter how many bad relationships I have had since (let's not count), or how much it hurt to be betrayed. We needed to be done.
The truth is, they give me hope. I realize that's a completely weird and ridiculous thing to say about two people who seemingly ruined my life, but hear me out.
If they hadn't survived, hadn't committed to each other for the rest of their lives, then everything they (he) put me through would have been for nothing.
Yeah, that's a strangely optimistic way to look at it, but I've had my morning coffee so I'm feeling positive! I believe in soulmates, butterflies, weak knees and all that fairytale crap, so how can I be angry at two people who found it and kept it?
Sure, he should have told me and not cheated. Sure, I got some serious trust issues because of it. But their happily-ever-after doesn't ultimately change anything for me.
I know many people who have been cheated on who hate the man who did it, but I can't say the same. He and I will never be close again, and I don't condone or like what he did, but I refuse to hate him.
I know he was devastated and I know he never meant to hurt me. He'd been my best friend for so long that he didn't know how to handle everything changing.
There is no question that he was a stupid idiot (jerk,jackass,meany pants, etc.) about everything, but I'm glad he has what he was looking for. It wasn't me. I knew that as much as he did, but I held on so tightly that neither of us could breathe.
So now I'm free to find the guy that will fight for me. The guy who is willing to shake up his whole world to be with me.
I'm happy they are happy and I thank them for preventing me from having a mediocre life hiding behind what was safe.
I hope they are married forever because someday I will be and I have to believe that true love is real (and that's not just the coffee talking.)