Why I'll Be More Open With My Children About Sex Than My Parents Were
Growing up, my mom always told me I should wait until marriage to have sex for the first time.
It’s what her mother and her faith taught her.
Although I also have my faith and my mother told me the same thing her mother told her, I grew up in a different time.
In today’s world, sex outside of marriage is much more prevalent than it ever was during our parents’ adolescence.
My mother always had a much stricter view about sex before marriage than my father.
It’s not something I really talk to either one of them about. Any talk about sex is reserved for my best friends, not my parents.
Frankly, I think that’s pretty sad.
When I have kids, I want them to be able to come to me about anything and everything.
I’m not saying I’m going to be a super cool mom like Regina George’s from "Mean Girls," but I won't shut them down if I see things differently than they do.
I’m not saying my mom shut me down, but I’ve always known what her stance on sex before marriage is, so it was never really something I talked to her about.
I will tell my kids I want them to wait until they’re in love with the people they’re going to have sex with.
I think sex is a beautiful thing, and I feel the beauty is neglected a lot of the time because once you’ve done it, why not do it again?
If you feel comfortable talking to your parents about sex, you’re less likely to make rash sexual decisions. You’re not just basing it on what your friends are doing. You’re basing it on your parents’ advice as well.
It’s hard sometimes to turn to my parents about things like sex because it just feels weird to talk about with them.
I would never want to hear about my parents’ sex lives, so why would they want to hear about mine? That’s my thought process.
I don’t want my kids to have that thought process, though.
I want them to talk to me about anything, even the things they know I won’t agree with.
In order for my kids to feel comfortable talking to me about those kinds of things, I have to tell them from the beginning that they can talk to me about anything.
They have to know their home is a loving, accepting, judgment-free environment.
How else will they trust me?
If just telling them these things isn’t enough for them, I’ll show them with my actions.
Their questions will start small. It'll be something like, “Can I go to this party, where there will probably be drinking?”
Instead of saying no, I would go about it by explaining the dangers of drinking.
They will know when they should call me to pick them up.
I don’t want them getting in a car with someone who has been drinking, so I will make sure they know it's safe to call me.
Yeah, they might think it’s lame for their parents to pick them up from a party, but it’s better than getting into a car with someone who will risk their lives.
I won’t always say no to the things I don’t agree with because then, they’ll never come to me for anything.
That would hinder their chances at making their own mistakes and learning from them.
As their mother, I will always want to protect them and guard them from making mistakes, but I know too well that making mistakes is exactly what teaches them the most about life.
My mom always made her view on sex before marriage very clear. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
She stood her ground, and she showed me how to have formidable character in doing so.
The only negative thing about her having such a strong opinion about this is it made me feel less comfortable talking to her about sex in general.
I'm supposed to be able to go to my mom with all the questions wandering through my brain, but now, this topic will forever be taboo.
I don’t want my kids to feel that way.
I want them to talk to me. I want them to trust me. I want them to trust themselves.
I want them to be in love with the people they have sex with, and to not take sex for granted once they’ve taken that leap.