If All of Your Friends Hate Your SO, It's Probably A Red Flag

by Candice Jalili

For a while, I dated a guy who my friends openly hated.

Okay, I guess I’m being a BIT dramatic here. All of my friends did not hate him, per se. My close friends hated him, and the ones who did not hate him were "eh" about him (i.e. they did that thing where they were like, “We’re happy you’re happy!” and then as soon as I left the room talked about how I could "do so much better").

The fact of the matter is, whether or not I was willing to admit it to myself at the time, I was pretty eh about him, too.

But I resented my friends who hated him. I took their attacks against him as personal attacks against me. And, as much as I hate to say it, I think I stuck around with him for longer than I would have otherwise just to prove them wrong.

Things obviously fizzled between me and this guy, and looking back on it, one thing becomes glaringly clear: I was a f*cking idiot.

Sure, we can all agree that my judgments could have been clouded by my emotions. But MY FRIENDS GAVE ME AN OUT! Their judgment wasn’t clouded, and their unclouded opinion was that this guy blew. And they weren’t afraid to tell me. So he really blew.

If I had just listened to my friends -- the people who know me better than I often know myself -- I could have spared myself a few months' worth of wasted time and energy.

In fact, now that I really think about it, my friends have never been particularly crazy about any guy I've dated. Coincidentally (or not), I’ve also never really been in a serious relationship.

This can mean only one thing: They were right. None of the guys I’ve ever been with were right for me.

Obviously, nobody wants to admit to a lapse in judgment. But I think it’s time to accept that if our friends hate our significant others, it is probably a pretty f*cking huge RED FLAG.

Good friends have your best interests at heart.

I obviously cannot speak for you, but I can speak for myself and for anyone who has the #pleasure of being a close friend of mine: We have some pretty great friends.

When it comes to your relationships, truly good friends are concerned about one thing: you. Good friends don’t want to hurt you. They want to help you.

So if they hate this guy enough to be vocal about it and risk hurting your feelings, odds are that something is REALLY wrong. Your friends don’t have ulterior motives, and they aren’t sociopathic psychos trying to say this just to make you upset.

If they have any concern, they are saying it for no other reason than to make sure you don't settle for someone who isn't perfect for you.

Your friends have an objective point of view.

If you’ve been boinking the dude in question for a while, your perception of him is a little clouded.

Sure, he hasn’t contacted you in three days and has posted pictures of him and his ex all over social media. But he still BLEW YOUR MIND three nights ago.

And you know whose mind he did not blow? Your best friend’s. She sees him for the lying, cheating, piece of sh*t he really is.

Do yourself a favor, and take her word for it.

Your friends know you better than you know yourself.

Your friends KNOW you. They know when you are using this boring guy to get over your lying, cheating douchelord of an ex, they know when you are mistaking comfort for happiness, and they will sure as hell be the first to notice when you start to change who you are for some guy. And they often know these things before you do.

I mean, most of us aren’t sitting there thinking, “Man, I have COMPLETELY changed my identity for this guy!” No. Those changes are subtle -- so much so that you don't even notice them happening.

But your friends notice. They will notice, and they will call you the f*ck out.

Your friends see your worth as an individual.

Your friends see you as more than half of a couple. They befriended your whole self. They met you as an individual and saw all of the unique and fabulous things that you bring to the table.

They know you don’t need another person to make you complete.

Sadly, you sometimes have a harder time seeing this. That's why you end up settling for the wrong people.

Your friends want you to be in a relationship, but they don't want you to be in the wrong relationship. They know -- even when you don't -- that the only person you deserve is one who makes you wildly happy.

Your friends see through your bullsh*t.

I am not much of a liar when it comes to my relationships with other people. But I have been known to be a pretty huge f*cking liar when it comes to my relationship with myself.

I can convince myself of anything, even if it means convincing myself that I’m happy when I’m not. It’s a skill that has gotten me through some difficult times, but it’s also a skill that made me stick around for some pretty mediocre guys.

No matter how much I’ve ever lied to myself, my friends saw right through it all.

Even when they're completely and totally wrong, they still have your best interests at heart.

At the end of the day, the point is that your friends love you. If they don’t like your current flavor of the month, odds are it’s because they think so highly of you that they expect you to do better.

Stop being annoyed with them, and start appreciating them for bothering to care.