Why I Refuse To Date A Man Who Is Not Ready For A Real Relationship
"We'll see what happens in the future."
That's pretty much the last thing he said to me about a month ago. The guy I was crazy in love with for 3 and a half years, the same guy who swore he would never "get curious," was now telling me that he wants to go "see what's out there."
"Oh, so you want to go f*ck other girls," immediately shot out of my mouth. In that moment, a lightbulb I'd been waiting to turn on for years finally lit up: This guy had transformed into every other guy I've ever met.
The only reason I was ever in love with him was because I thought he was different, but once it clicked in my mind that he was just the same as every other guy, the spell was broken.
Is something new to come on really more important than a shoulder to cry on? I thought to myself as I teared up. I gave this person my whole world, all of me, and he was willing to give it up "to see what's out there." What did he think was out there? Girls with vaginas that could make his dick travel through time?
I bet he thought every time he said "we'll see what happens in the future," I got excited over the thought, like a dog whose owner was reassuring her he'll be back. Well, guess what, guy? I'm no dog. And I'm not waiting around for you to get your sh*t together.
Here's why I refuse to date a man who isn't ready for a real relationship.
I refuse to share myself with someone who doesn't appreciate me.
Oscar Wilde once said, "Never love someone who treats you like you're ordinary." I read this quote once, and I've never forgotten it.
Secrets, stories and private moments are meant to be shared with people who are willing to stay. If they don't stay, it's almost as though they watched a few seasons of a show without ever watching the finale. What's the point?
Being around someone who doesn't appreciate the way I brush my hair to the side or look out a window when I'm sad is not worth being around. Because I am worth it, and if he can't see that, then he needs to go.
You should never have to try to force someone to believe that you are special. If they don't already see it, they never will, and that's fine because "the inability to observe beauty does not negate its existence."
I refuse to be with a boy instead of a man.
If I wanted to play games, I'd buy an Xbox. I have too much love, and too much brains, to settle for someone who only wants to dick around.
If you decide to go see what's out there, go for it, but don't expect me to be there when you're finally ready to come crawling back.
I refuse to be with someone who doesn't actually love me.
The person I was with for 3 and a half years would always tell me that he loved me but was not in love with me. Every girl's dream, right?
I will never in my life accept anything less than I deserve again. No. More. Settling. I refuse.
I don't want to be with someone who's temporary. Like I've heard others say, why give my nights to someone who will only leave me in the morning?
I refuse to make memories with someone I'll wind up wanting to forget later.
What's the point of showing someone my favorite movies and songs if he's only going to replace them with some other woman's favorites later in life?
When you go to certain places with someone, and you and that person break up, those places become tainted. Those places become crime scenes where love was murdered. You can still see bloody handprints where your love once fought for its life and failed.
I don't want places to be ruined for me ever again. Instead, I want to be able to look back on my trips fondly. I want to be able to tell my kids that this is where mommy and daddy had their first kiss. I don't want to look back at a place with nausea, thinking how it was the place I had sex with douchekabob #3.
I'm tired of poisoned memories. Now I want to make ones that leave me with a warming sensation instead of another burn on my tongue.
I refuse to waste my time.
Nothing is more valuable in life than time. Waste my money and waste my affection, but don't waste my time. I can never get that back.
When you date someone who doesn't actually care about you, you give them time that you could have spent with someone who actually worshipped you. You deserve someone who is ready to be in a relationship. Someone who is ready to be with you. To love you, hold you, inspire you, and lift you up.
Remember this, and remember well:
"Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready."
So, don't date someone who isn't ready for a relationship. Don't wait for anyone. Don't waste your time, and don't waste your love, because the right man will be ready.