When you’re fresh out of a relationship, one of the absolute hardest things to cope with is the fact that you are now single again.
Dating can be fun, but let's be honest: When you’re in a good relationship, you do not miss your single days whatsoever.
Putting yourself out there takes patience and can be extremely frustrating.
The utter sadness and despair you feel post-breakup is exacerbated by the fears of fix ups, loneliness, considering Match.com or Tinder, and of course, rejection.
When we are faced with the “single again” situation, there are common things we all WANT to do, but in reality, these things are not what we SHOULD be doing.
To best heal your breakup wounds, you should avoid doing the following (we know, they’re tempting as hell), and opt for the less appealing, but healthier options:
1. You want to rush out on a date with the first guy who gives you attention.
You just lost a guy who gave you constant attention, affection and care.
Every minute your phone doesn’t light up with his name, or every time you look at his social media, it makes you want to jump on the next guy who even glances your way to fill this void.
Instead of succumbing to this behavior, which is purely to fill the void, you should...
Take your time. Do not date unless you’re really ready to put your past relationship in the past.
You dont want to bring baggage from your broken heart into a brand new relationship, and no one likes to be a rebound.
It may take time for you to make sure you’re not just rebounding or acting out due to your heartbreak.
2. You want to fall in love again, fast.
You feel like the best way to get you over this breakup is to fall head over heels all over again.
What else can get your mind off of your heartbreak?
It's not going to work. Instead you should...
Focus on keeping it light. Putting too much pressure on falling in love right away will undoubtedly leave you disappointed and further delay your “getting over it” process.
Go into each date with the mindset of just having fun, getting your mind off your ex and moving on for the evening, no other expectations.
3. You want to be in another relationship, even if just to piss off your ex.
What could better prove to him that he f*cked up then another guy realizing how great you are, and swooping you out of the single pool immediately?
Kink in this plan: Your ex may see right through this move, or worse, believe it and not care. Instead you should...
Date around and keep your options open. You just got out of a relationship, take this as your chance to date around and date different types of people.
Since you are single again, you clearly aren't choosing people who are right for you. Broaden your horizons and keep an open mind.
4. You force the dating situations that come your way.
A guy you totally aren’t interested in asked you out and you said yes. Your argument: Hell, at least he asked.
A bad date or a forced situation will make you lament your single status more. Instead you should...
Keep yourself in check. Ask yourself whether you're going on a date tonight because you genuinely want to or because you're in a hurry to move on with just about anyone?
Make sure you really get in touch with your emotions and the motivators for your actions. If you’re just trying to pass the time, that's not fair to your potential dates.
5. You overanalyze everything.
He may have been cute at the bar, but when you trolled his Instagram page, he has about 13 selfies.
All of a sudden you think he has to be a secret porn addict who lives in his parents' basement.
This scenario is both highly unlikely and completely constructed in your emotional mindset. Instead you should...
Stop overanalyzing. When you’re not 100 percent sold on dating being “fun,” you can easily create excuses to write people off and say no to dates.
You will never love absolutely everything about another person, so try not to be too harsh.
6. You automatically compare every guy to your ex.
You can’t really help this one, your ex is the most recent man in your life, so naturally your mind wanders here.
Your new date might not dress as well, or have taken you to a place you hate, but he’s new. He doesn’t know you yet.
Comparing a practical stranger to your ex is just straight up unfair. Past emotions, attachments and experiences cannot compete with someone you have known for five minutes. Instead, you should...
Avoid comparing. What you had with your ex will never be duplicated.
Understand and accept that it will probably take some time for you to develop feelings for a new guy, but that doesn't mean you won't find better or you won't like someone else.
7. You want it all to go away as soon as possible.
Being post-breakup is one of the most frustrating places in the world to be. All you want to do is run out and somehow fix it.
You’re practically running around searching for a date, even if it is with the guy next to you at the gas station. “He’s kind of cute, right?” Instead of doing this, you should...
Breathe. It's all about balance; make dating a priority, but also make yourself a priority.
Schedule some more time with your friends, spend some time alone and get yourself back to a place where you’re okay with being single.