How To Ask For A Serious Relationship If You're Ready To Make It Official

by Anjali Sareen Nowakowski

Dating someone new is exhilarating. You're learning everything about them, you're in a whirlwind of fun dates and romance, and you're generally having a great time. But what about when having a great time turns into something more? What happens when you want a more committed connection? You may be wondering exactly how to make a relationship serious without ruining the fun you're having.

It can definitely be a difficult subject to discuss, especially when things are going really well, and you are nervous about rocking the boat. But in order to progress in your relationship in the way that you want, it's a conversation that probably needs to be had. You at least need to find out how your partner feels so you can see if you are on the same page.

The best thing to do when going into a conversation like this is to keep your nerves as calm as possible. You are naturally going to feel a little anxious, but it's important to remember that you are about to have a discussion with someone you love about the future of your relationship. Never throw ultimatums down or get yourself worked up so much that you guys have a fight.

Here are five other important things to remember when you decide to ask your partner about a more serious commitment.

1. Don't Hold Back

You are naturally going to be a little nerve-wracked. You are not going to be sure about the conversation and how it will turn out, so your impulse will be to make it go as smoothly as possible. In this vein, you might decide to keep certain things to yourself. But resist that urge. This conversation is about what you've already decided you want from the relationship (a more serious commitment). The only way to get there is to stay totally open with your partner.

Let them know why you've decided you want a serious commitment. It'll likely be because you've fallen in love and because you think the two of you are a great fit. Keep the conversation flowing, but don't hold anything back for the sake of peace. Be clear about what you want.

2. Stay Open To Your Partner's Thoughts

It may be difficult, especially if your partner doesn't want the exact same thing you do at the exact same time, but another thing you must remember in a conversation like this is to stay open to your partner's thoughts.

It's definitely easier said than done, especially if you say, "I want to be exclusive," and they say, "I want to keep seeing other people," but remember that you're not going to get anywhere by shutting them down.

Instead, encourage them to be honest with you and let them do so by remaining engaged with what they are saying. It's the only way you are going to have a real discussion about where your relationship is headed.

3. Don't Let Emotions Get In The Way

If you find out that your partner doesn't want a serious relationship or if you feel like the conversation isn't going in the direction you want it to, you may feel the need to scream, cry, walk away, or get angry. Don't do any of these things.

Similarly, if you do find your partner is on the same page as you, you might want to immediately start doodling "Mrs. So-and-so" and start bombarding your partner with all the plans you have for your future. Don't do any of these things either.

Although it's an exciting time to get deeper into your relationship, remember that this conversation is really about you asking for something that you've already decided you want. Either way, make sure your emotions remain neutral, because you may get hit with some curveballs, like if your partner doesn't want what you want, or they do, but the idea of commitment looks different to them. You'll be glad you stayed cool regardless.

4. Accept Whatever Happens

Has your partner decided they want a serious relationship, too? Does their idea of a serious relationship match up exactly to yours? Awesome, then the two of you are golden!

In any other circumstance, though, you might have to face the fact that the serious relationship you wanted just isn't going to happen right now. That might suck, but it also might be just the thing you need to realize this isn't the relationship for you.

Whatever happens, accept it. You won't be able to argue or talk your partner into changing their mind, and there is no reason you should want to. Whatever happens will be for the best, and from there, you can figure out what to do next.

5. Decide Your Path

Do you want to stay dating your partner even if they aren't ready for something serious? Do you want to dive in, head first, into a really coupled-up relationship?

No matter what is coming, you have to decide on the best path for you. If you and your partner realized you're on the exact same page, that's great, but you still need to work out what a serious relationship looks like to you.

If you're not on the same page, you'll be better off having the information and being able to decide what comes next for you.

Having the serious relationship conversation where you ask your partner for more committment is hard. That said, by following the tips on this list you can make it a little easier. Hopefully, the two of you will both want something more and this will be the beginning of something great.

Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!