It’s honestly a simple concept that we women have misconstrued and overanalyzed - spending countless nights wondering, ‘how did I let this happen?’ Well, here is the answer. Are you ready?
You let him do it.
Believe me, for a while I thought there was some hidden secret as to why guys did what they did. Why they acted as if they wanted to be with you one minute, but then the next appeared completely uninterested. But again, it’s quite simple. It’s because he can. He will get what he wants, and he will move on once he gets it. It’s kind of like that Jay Z song, “On To The Next One.” Well, he is next-ing you, sweetheart. Just quietly get in line with the rest of them and wait your turn for the next round.
I have had guys who have, in a sense, played me, or at least attempted to. If you’re unsure what that means, then it probably hasn’t happened to you. But don’t speak too soon because it probably will. There is a player in every circle of guys - at least that’s what I’m convinced. And sometimes the entire circle of guys is a bunch of players. “Birds of a feather flock together.” It’s true. But just in case you are completely in the dark about this type of guy…
A player is a male who is skilled at manipulating (“playing”) others, especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them when, in reality, they are only interested in sex.
Anyway, about three years ago, I met this guy named Tyler (not his actual name). Tyler had all the attributes of a quintessential player. Essentially, these attributes had every girl wanting him. And ladies, when you give him all the attention, he has the power to not give you any, but leave you wanting him even more.
Now, because I could tell right away that this was the type of guy Tyler was, I immediately knew not to expect anything more from him than a casual hook up (I was going through a break-up), which is exactly what happened. Only, after hooking up, we became best friends, and that brings me to my inspiration for writing this article…
Let’s first look at Tyler. He was good-looking, smart (although I’m sure none of those other women lusting over him even knew that), charming and very charismatic. He was the type of guy who posted cute romantic statuses on Facebook, leaving every female friend drooling, thinking, “Wow. Why is he single?”
Well, he’s single because he plays girls perpetually.
Believe it or not, he used to tell me about how he had hooked up with a different girl from each of the schools in our area. These girls were aware of this, and even so, they still gave him what he wanted. Even I witnessed his manipulative ways and was more drawn to him. I was a mouse stuck in the trap like the rest of them, until I saw it all happen before my eyes.
I never could understand why countless girls crawled to him. It honestly reminded me of that notable person in the park that throws crumbs down on the ground and has all the birds fly in at once to eat at their feet. Maybe it’s messed up to compare women just like me to those birds, but it's true. Besides his physical attraction, Tyler is an assh*le. (Sorry, Tyler, but you know I’m right.)
He manipulates girls and even speaks to them with disrespect, but, just like clockwork, they come running back. And for a while I would think, ‘how do these girls like him?’ I knew they knew absolutely nothing about who he truly was, other than the fact that he was attractive and well endowed. I know what you’re thinking: “They got some and were hooked.” For some, yes, but others would merely talk to him and throw hissy fits when he didn’t want to date them. Mind boggling, no?
During our friendship, we slowly mixed social circles and became friends with the same group of people. We all went out one night for a friend’s birthday, and Tyler laughed about how he had hooked up with every one of the girls at the dinner. To me, it was funny but also confusing.
I thought, ‘Wait, he’s hooked up with all of them, manipulated them into thinking he wanted something serious, only to play them? And he’s still able to hold regular conversations and friendly dinners?’ Not only that, but each girl also continued to talk and joke with one another, knowing that he had played each and every one of them. Am I the only one scratching my head here?
The girls would want him; they would need him. These were the girls who had previously hooked up with him, whom he bluntly played and who would still come back for him. It was as if he had magnets attached to him, and every girl was attracted.
But then, there was the backlash. There were the girls who cried that he really didn’t want to be with them. ‘But how could he do this to me?’ is what they were all thinking. Little did they realize the glaring answer was starting them in the face: because you let him do it.
Let’s learn from some examples.
Tyler once had sex with a girl, and a week later she was crying on a couch at a party because he didn’t want to date her. We got a good laugh about this one. Sorry, girlfriend, you got played. After countless times of her stating she could not stand guys like him, that she would never fall victim to the ways of a player again, she went on to have sex with Tyler again on multiple occasions.
One night, Tyler went from house to house over the span of a few hours to hook up with a girl and then with her best friend. Either they would remain friends, knowing they both hooked up with Tyler, bragging about it to one another, or their friendship would soon end. Now, if it was the latter, you can already expect that Tyler would easily speak to both of them and get what he wanted, again.
I remind you, all these girls were fully aware that this is who Tyler is. These women knew he was a cheater, and still is. They were aware he plays girls better than Kobe plays ball. Still, they run to him, tripping each other along the way in hopes that they will come in first.
Women continue wonder why there are guys like Tyler out there. Ladies, it’s because you allow it! By stroking a man’s ego, letting him know that you are aware of his techniques and the way he treats girls, but still allowing him to treat you that way is you being played. By allowing him to let you go, only for you to come running back to him is, once again, you getting played. Let’s face it: any man of this nature is not going to change for you.
So, there it is, ladies. Why are you getting played? How could it be possible? But how, how could he do this to me?! It’s because you let him!
Girls say, “Guys are all the same.” It’s always, “Guys are all assh*les.” Yes, some of them are, but it’s because you made them that way. A guy knows that all he has to do is throw you a few compliments - enough to get your number and butter you up for a few days - and just like that, you’re thinking about him all day long. You begin to dream of the future and what it would be like to date him. Don’t be naïve. Always expect the worst. He can play you, and he probably will.
Have some intelligence. Show the guy you’re not just like the next girl. Exhibit your self-respect. Don’t treat him like a guy, treat him like a person. Be his friend. I emphasize, do not be that girl to f*ck him on the first night and wonder why he didn’t call you back. Tyler did f*cked many women on the first night, and they were all very confused why he never called. Don’t be one of those women. Don’t let the player play the game on you.
Top photo credit: This Means War