Millennials Are Setting Themselves Up For Relationship Failure By Overlooking One Major Factor

by Tommy Anderson

Your friends talk about that cute girl that just walked by. Turns out, she’s in your calculus class and she thinks you’re cute, too. Give it a few weeks and you two are talking. Give it a couple more weeks and you are dating. Good for you; you’re happy.

But what happens after a couple of months when you get past her looks and have to rely on something else to keep you interested? This should not even be a question; you are now coming out of “the honeymoon phase.”

At this point in your relationship, you start becoming more comfortable being yourself and previously unknown parts of you become known, for better or worse.

The texts that used to be full of emoticons are now emotionless. The goodnight texts are gone, and when you’re not together, you don't find yourself thinking about her. This is not to say that the relationship is over, but there should be a better reason for hanging out with your girlfriend than just the arm candy factor.

Staying interested in a relationship should not be a hard thing to do. However, losing interest can be very easy and might happen spontaneously or it might simmer over a long period of time.

This happens for several reasons, but most notoriously, it occurs right after the end of the honeymoon phase when one partner realizes the person he or she has spent so much time with is not who he or she expected or ultimately wanted. Thus, interest fades and recovery is very hard.

But how can you spend so much time with someone and months later, realize she is not who you expected? Well, after you get over the fact that a good-looking individual from the opposite sex is falling for you, most of the start of a relationship is spent focusing on yourself: how you look, what you say, where you choose to go on a date, etc.

Only after a few weeks when all has been said about yourself do you finally turn your attention to the other member in the relationship. This is the beginning of the make or break phase.

Finally, your attention shifts and you finally start to get to know her. But is there, as they say, more than meets the eye?

Sadly, the most commonly rated, most attractive feature in a girl is her looks. For guys, it’s his sense of humor. You should hope your girlfriend can make you laugh, too, not just the other way around. In the culture we live in, I am finding a widening gap between girls with looks and girls with humor. When you find one with both, give her your all because this girl is a keeper.

As a guy, I am ashamed that looks often take such precedence over personality in the opposite sex. Looks can be important, but we need to forget the “looks fade” cliché, and replace it with “personalities don’t fade.”

This confusion is strongly reinforced in hook-up culture. Guys, how many articles have you read where the advice reads: “If she thinks you’re funny, she’ll hookup with you”?

Our sense of humor somehow enables us. In essence, the male sense of humor is equivalent to the female appearance when it comes to attraction. However, girls that rely on looks to win over men for a hookup, lose in relationships because looks don’t keep our interest in the long term.

This is not to say that the hook-up culture should not exist. Rather, members of both genders should approach a relationship in a different manner than we'd approach a hookup. Seem obvious? Then why aren't we doing it?

Girls, know that if he agreed to go on a date with you, he probably finds you attractive. Try flaring your personality rather than wearing the low-cut shirt and push-up bra.

Guys, take your focus off of her boobs and instead imagine having a conversation with a friend. I guarantee this will give you a better mutual understanding of where the relationship will lead.

This may sound harsh, because most of it is. What men and women need to do -- men especially -- is to stop focusing on looks alone and instead look for a match in personality.

This is the only way to keep a lasting relationship. When problems ensue between two people who understand each other, they are much easier solved.

Don’t mistake the girl you want to hook up with for the relationship girl, and remember when she is both, you’re golden.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It