The Highs And Lows To Dating The Girl Glamorized As 'The Hot Mess'
In the laugh-out-loud comedy, “Trainwreck,” comedian Amy Schumer gave viewers her take on a role portrayed multiple times in Hollywood: a hot mess.
In it, her version of a mimosa is 99 percent champagne and 1 percent OJ. She swears so much, it’s practically a second language.
She tumbles into work wearing the same clothes from the night before. And she follows her own, highly dysfunctional rules of dating.
All signs of craziness that, when played out on the big screen, are hilarious, but they're not so funny for the millions of women out there who can relate. This is all part of what I like to call “Hollywood’s obsession with glamorizing ‘hot messes.’”
We saw it in “Bridesmaids,” where Kristin Wiig’s character single-handedly ruined every aspect of her best friend’s wedding. And it's displayed on “The Mindy Project,” where, let’s be honest, every day is a Hot Mess Day for Mindy Lahiri.
While we know films and TV shows like these are purely fictional and meant to be over-the-top in the insanity department, a tiny sliver of us sympathizes with characters like these.
Maybe it’s because we, too, have had a week-long drinking binge, or maybe we knew, in the back of our minds, that a guy was trouble but hooked up with him anyways.
Life is hard, making the chances of becoming a hot mess, at some point, hella high. And, if that is the case, it might explain why some men find that crazy equals sexy.
So, if Hollywood has such an obsession with showcasing hot messes, should the rest of us, too? Or has Hollywood simply glamorized it so much that men think it’s hot when, in actuality, it’s really not?
Here’s a pro-con list to dating a girl like this, which can also help decode this interesting debate:
Pro: It can be exciting.
Everyone loves a “Yes Man.” By this, I mean someone who is down for whatever ridiculous plan you have, no matter what.
Getting sh*tfaced on Sunday night? No problem. Making an impromptu trip to Las Vegas? Sure thing!
Men find women like this fun. A prime example of this was depicted on this season of "The Bachelorette."
The show started off with the 25 eligible bachelors, who had to choose between having either Kaitlyn Bristowe or Britt Nilsson as their bachelorette.
While I don’t think Kaitlyn can be classified as a straight-up hot mess, a lot of the men did choose her because of her wild personality and tendency to be over-the-top.
Con: There's lots of drama.
Sticking to "The Bachelorette" example, while Kaitlyn was a lot of fun, she also stirred up a whole lot of drama, making her considerably the most controversial bachelorette ever.
She brought in villain Nick Viall midseason, had sex with him during their extended one-on-one date and did plenty of other questionable things that left the men riding the highs and lows of her emotional roller coaster.
Hot mess women like these almost always have lots of drama, which is the result of the rash actions and decisions they make. Maybe they got too drunk and fought with a close friend, or they broke things off with someone they really liked, all because they fear commitment.
In other words, their drama becomes your drama.
Pro: You can feel instantly comfortable with them.
When people are open about their flaws, it’s easy to feel comfortable around them. You can let go and let your freak flag fly.
Essentially, anything goes.
So go ahead, crack open that bottle of Jack on a Tuesday afternoon. You’re in the no-judgment zone.
Con: It’s tough to have a serious relationship.
While feeling comfortable around the person you like is a plus, being too comfortable is a con. It runs the risk of preventing things from ever becoming serious in the future.
You have to be honest while asking yourself these questions: Do you want someone you can feel super comfortable with right away? Or, would you mind putting up with a bit of nerves for the first few weeks in order to feel butterflies and develop a serious relationship?
You have to be aware of what you’re willing to give up.
Pro: They’re okay being on their own.
Hot messes or not, chicks like this are comfortable being on their own. Or, at least, they appear to be.
Either way, independence and confidence have always been two traits men find sexy.
Just look at Schumer in “Trainwreck.” Yes, the movie was fictional, but the concept rings true: Guys like the chase, and appearing desperate for love often backfires.
Con: You may get the urge to want to change them.
It wouldn’t be a rom-com if Schumer didn’t get her sh*t together at the end of the movie in order to win her boyfriend back.
But, life isn’t always that easy. It’s hard to change parts of your personality, especially the rough-around-the-edges ones that need a little work. So, trying to change a woman who may be fun, but isn’t relationship material right now, doesn’t usually go very far.
People must be willing to make changes and move themselves out of the hot mess category.