Listen up, boys: It’s time we had a talk. I thought you were all mature enough to be able to handle dating others, but it seems as though you have stayed boys way longer than you were supposed to and, thus, have no idea what to do when confronted by a girl you like.
To all of the real men out there who are “old school,” asking girls out and courting as if you had some semblance of an interest, I tip my hat to you. Thanks for making us feel like we are worth something to you.
And, listen, I know asking a girl out is scary, and sometimes, you suffer numerous blows to your ego and self-confidence, but if you aren’t putting any effort in, you get nothing in return.
So many of you guys these days are letting opportunities go out the window because you are “too busy,” “not ready,” “unable to take care of someone,” or “commitment-phobic.” I see so many amazing, single girls running around surrounded by selfish man-children who do nothing when confronted with something great.
I’m not going to place blame solely on men for the state of dating in our culture these days, but because you are the ones who are naturally more inclined to be the pursuers, if you aren’t doing anything, then you either force women to take on that masculine roll or nothing at all happens.
It seems as though our progressive society has caused most women to evolve more while the men have evolved less.
We are becoming more independent, making our own money and developing our careers while the boys are wanting less and less to be bogged down by anything that could be considered a “responsibility.”
Any guy reading this is probably thinking, “Well, you’re probably just a bitch who is sad because no one wants you.” While that may be true, I’m not the only one in this situation.
While this may be more prevalent in a big city like LA where I live, I think girls everywhere will probably agree with me. I have a lot of beautiful, smart friends who have been single for forever, and another large handful who are only dating because of Match.com and Tinder.
I have several guy friends who liked a girl once but just let her slip through their fingers. They haven’t been on a date in a century and make no attempts to up their game in that department.
Why have some of you regressed into these unconfident, immature boys who are petrified of taking a chance?
If you are truly interested in a girl, I think it would help you to follow these guidelines if you want to have the best chance at success:
Ask us on a date for f*ck's sake
Make it a real date, just us. Maybe you pay; maybe there is dinner involved, whatever. Just this one little action lets a girl know you are pretty interested.
I know it’s expensive; I know you have limited free time, and I know dating can sometimes be uncomfortable and too much pressure. But, man up; if you want to play that “let’s hang and maybe sleep together sometimes” card, then you do that, but know that any girl who has any sense of self-worth won’t stick around for very long.
Communicate with us
Oh, cool, you followed me on Instagram? You liked my photo? You know who else did that? Strangers and friends of friends.
If you want to stand out to us, maybe you could try calling us or texting more than once a week. Texting is so impersonal and causal, and yet, some of you are afraid to even do that.
Social media is a cute way to flirt, but it shouldn’t be all you’re doing. Communication is the most integral part of any relationship. If you don’t get to know her, how can you know if you would even want to pursue her any further?
Keep the momentum going
Yes, we are all busy, and it’s hard to make plans sometimes, but even President Obama finds time to take his wife on a date every once in a while. If you are interested in someone, it’s important to be consistent in your efforts; otherwise, the other party might lose enthusiasm.
It’s definitely fun to keep some mystery and give a girl a rush wondering if or when you will call again, but weeks with nothing in-between are confusing and stupid. Why waste your time at all if you aren’t going to go full out?
Pretend to care
I would venture to say that most girls do not expect to receive flowers and go out to a five-star restaurant on the first couple of dates. Save that effort for when you know you like her.
The first couple of dates are about getting to know someone, so if that means we are eating a pizza from Dominos on the floor of your apartment with some votive candles and table wine, then that sounds great.
The thing that's missing these days is saying and doing things that make it seem like you care. Picking us up at our apartment, opening the door for us and making sure we feel comfortable and safe is more than enough to make a girl swoon.
I’m sure you did that once for some girl who didn’t appreciate it and now you feel bitter, but that shouldn’t be a reason to quit. Every date is a new opportunity to impress, and if she isn’t receptive to that, then she’s not the girl for you.
Persistence and effort are the keys to success in everything you do in life. In dating, it is what will put you miles ahead of the pack because no one is doing it anymore. If you want that girl, go after her! You will know if she is genuinely not interested.
And, ladies, don’t be confusing. If you like him, be open and accessible to his advances. If you don’t, be courteous and straight up and don’t play games, which could be confused for playing hard-to-get.
And, for the love of god, stop allowing yourselves to be treated like a f*ck buddy if that’s not what you want.
We all need to do our part in allowing for real connections; we need to stop being so afraid of direct encounters. We are all looking like a bunch of lonesome wanderers pretending to be busy and fulfilled.
It’s time we owned up to the mess that is our society’s weaknesses in the love and dating department.