The trick to a happy relationship is seeing each other as complete equals.
Now, before you all go on about how you treat all people as equals, especially your lover, let me say this: bullsh*t.
People don’t see all people as equals – in fact, we just about never see anyone else as an equal.
The only time we really do is when we love that individual. When we don’t love someone, we are basically saying he or she isn't our equal and deserving of our love.
It’s difficult seeing other people as complete equals, as we are egocentric beings living a reality from a single perspective, a single point of view.
As far as we’re concerned, we’re really the only people in the world who matter.
Unless we’re in love. When we’re in love, the most magical thing happens: We find someone who we believe may be even more important than ourselves.
Ladies, this is the only sort of man for you. If he doesn’t see you as his equal, then he won’t be capable of treating you the way you deserve to be treated.
How do you know he’s treating you the way you deserve to be treated?
1. He gives you attention from the moment you wake up.
He’ll roll over, give you a hug or a kiss on the forehead. Or just plop his heavy arm over you, giving out a groan to show his disdain for the sunrise forcing him to wake from his dreams.
Whatever his morning routine, it involves him recognizing you’re laying there with him.
2. He feeds not just your body, but your mind.
He might buy you dinner; he might make it for you. A man who's in love lives to satisfy his woman -- and that's equally through her stomach as it is through her passions and soul.
He'll just as easily buy you chocolates as he would books because he knows enriching you is his favorite hobby and it makes the both of you better.
3. He loves surprising you.
Maybe he’ll buy you little gifts. Maybe he’ll pick you some flowers. Maybe he’ll clean your apartment while you’re away at work or running errands. Maybe he’ll book you a trip around the world or simply pack the two of you a surprise picnic. When a man makes a point to surprise you, he understands the importance of keeping the excitement in a relationship alive.
4. He spends time with you because he wants to, not because he feels obligated to.
You don’t need to beg him to hang out, to see you, to spend time with you. In fact, he often finds himself having to hold back from seeing you too often, from coming off as overly eager.
He feels an urge to spend just about every waking moment with you, but he knows better. He gives you the space you need and takes the space he needs, but never fails to be there for you.
5. When he makes plans, you’re a part of them.
As far as he’s concerned, you are the plan. The life the two of you will create together is all the planning he needs. Everything else you’ll deal with when the time comes, together.
6. He consults you before he makes big decisions.
In a relationship, it’s important to share the decision-making. If the man you’re with treats you well, he’ll not only include you because he knows you want to be included, but because he values your opinions, your input.
7. He doesn’t lie to you because he doesn’t have anything he needs to lie about.
Not all men are scumbags. Not all men will lie to you, cheat on you and break your heart. Some, most even, certainly will. But not him. He refuses to treat you the same way every other assh*le in your life has treated you. He won’t lie to you, and he will never have a reason to.
How can he be so sure? Because it’s a choice, and it’s a choice he’s already decided to make.
8. He tells you that you’re beautiful when you feel your worst.
I’d say that to him, you’re always beautiful – which may very well be the case – but when you look like hell, you look like hell. It happens to the best of us. But do you know what? He refuses to tell you that you look like hell because he doesn’t want you thinking yourself to be anything but beautiful.
9. He tells you about his day and asks you about yours.
He wants to know about your life because he feels by knowing your day, he is, in a sense, becoming a bigger part of your life. He enjoys telling you about his day, telling you interesting stories or some issues he has been dealing with. He wants to share with you and wants you to share with him.
10. The only time he makes you cry is from happiness.
There should be nothing in the world that breaks his heart like watching you cry – really cry. He hates the thought of you feeling hurt and even goes as far as to share in your pain. It’s not that he’s trying to, although given the chance, he’d change places in an instance; it’s just that he can’t help it. He hurts when you hurt. It’s out of his control.
11. He tells you he loves you, but he doesn't have to, because you already know it.
This is where most men – to be fair, women as well – make a big mistake. If you love someone, it matters less that you love that person than it matters that you make him or her feel loved.
People seem to have it backward. They are under the illusion that the way they themselves are feeling is how to best define love.
On the contrary, love is defined by actions – not by emotions or theories. Unless he knows how to make you feel loved and does his best to do so, he’s being selfish and egocentric. How can that be love?
12. He’ll give you the bigger half.
It’s the little things. It’s those little moments when he thinks about you before he thinks about himself. It’s giving you the bigger half of the sandwich, the bigger half of the bed, the bigger half of the closet, the bigger half of his heart, the bigger half of his life.
People are egocentric by nature – they will always think about themselves and will think about themselves first, most of the time. It’s not something that can be helped.
Look out for these little acts of selflessness because they are, in true sense, proof of his love for you.
13. He makes you feel safe.
He may not be the tallest, the fittest, the fastest, the strongest guy in the world, but if push comes to shove, he will sooner die trying to save you than to allow you to be abused, hurt or harassed by another.
In your heart you feel he would risk his life to save yours, if it came down to it. And although you would never ask him to do that, pushing him out of the way as he protects you from the incoming bullet, knowing he would makes you feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
14. He keeps his promises.
He may not make many of them – if only to lessen the chances of having to break them – but when he makes a promise, he always delivers. He knows you trust him and have faith in him – he doesn’t want to disappoint you. He just wants you to be happy.
15. He makes you feel like a woman.
You may be his best friend. You may be his partner, his confidante, his advisor, his better half, but first and foremost, you are a woman – his woman. And he wants you to feel like a woman. He treats you with respect. He makes you feel sexy. He makes you feel loved.
He makes you feel like he wants you – every part of you – because he does.