It's Not You, It's Him: 5 Ways To Keep Your Dignity During A Breakup

by Celeste Durve

Okay, ladies, let's be honest: We have all been there. And by “there,” I mean dumped.

Regardless of whether it was a casual fling or something a little more serious, things just sometimes don't work out.

Everyone gets broken up with at some point or another, especially in this generation where mindless hookups are a cultural norm.

But, Millennial women need to be aware of how to handle these breakups.

Here's the deal: You're young, you're hot and there are, quite literally, a million fish in the sea.

So, if he wants to leave, offer to grab the door for him. And do it with a smile on your face because you're a hot plate of meat who doesn't need a side dish.

And more importantly, your life goes on with or without him.

Don't get me wrong; if this was a very serious relationship or one that went on for years, your breakup process will likely be a little different.

But as far as casual dating, hooking up and semi-serious exclusive relationships of that sort, this following list should be your new Bible.

1. Don't cry, yell or panic.

He wants to break up. So what?

Sure, that ruins all the wedding plans you made in your head, and it kind of disrupts your 10-step plan of having kids by 30, but sh*t happens.

Here's what I need you not to do: freak out. Don't yell, panic or start crying uncontrollably.

Yes, I know we have all done it, but that cycle ends now. I know it's hard.

You may have really liked him (or just the idea of him), but the minute you have a freak attack is the minute his decision has been confirmed.

I don't care if the relationship is over, that doesn't mean your pride and self-esteem have to go down with it. Hold yourself together, and remember that life goes on.

Keep your cool. Remaining calm allows you to think straight and navigate this conversation effectively.

It also keeps your pride in tact and shows your happiness doesn't fly south the minute he does.

Handling yourself in this way will set the tone for the breakup conversation, and any future discussions you two may have.

2. Don't beg him to stay or offer to change.

The idea of offering to change for a man actually makes me laugh, and I hope one day it makes you laugh, too. Begging someone to change his mind and stay with you is a recipe for disaster.

As much as we may think it will save us the pain of the breakup if he chooses to stay, all it does it delay the pain that will inevitably resurface. You can't force someone to love you.

You need to know who you are and everything you're worth. No matter how much you liked him, offering to change yourself is harmful and unrealistic.

You have worked incredibly hard to be who you are, and although you will continuously grow and transform, that needs to be done on your own terms.

And to be extremely clear: You are enough, you are worth it and you deserve the best. And it is not your job to prove that to someone who cant see it for himself.

3. Tell him you agree.

Don't give me that confused look. Tell him you agree with his decision. Why? Because you do.

Any man who wants to leave, you should agree with. He should leave, and it won't hurt your self-esteem at all.

On a deeper level, breakups should rarely ever be taken personally. Unless you did something horrible, your relationship likely isn't working out for various reasons.

But, none of them are because you aren't good enough.

Maybe he has a different idea of what he wants his life to look like, or maybe he isn't happy on his own and mistakenly relates that to you.

There are a million and one reasons why relationships don't work out. Believe me; it's not something you need to take to heart.

And here's the other thing: When you guys got in this relationship, you did so to make each other happy. Now, if one member is no longer happy, then so be it and separate.

You need to know your self-worth, and not take this situation personally.

Remember that if separating makes him happy, then you think it's a great choice.

4. Tell him you're okay.

The second most important phrase you need to say is, “I'm okay.” Or, at the very least, you should say, “Don't worry. I will be okay!”

This needs to be said with confidence because you both need to believe it.

You need to believe it because it's true, and it's nice to reassure yourself. Take a deep breath, say those words to yourself, believe them and it will help you.

He needs to hear this because it takes away attention from him. Here he is leaving you, and you agree? Not to mention, you're okay?

This leaves him contemplating whether or not he really did make the right decision.

By seeing how cool, calm and collected you are, he realizes your life really does go on with or without him.

Should he really be leaving this strong, independent woman? And now that you don't even seem to want him as much, maybe you really are worth it.

5. Move forward happily.

This is the most important thing to do for your sanity as well as your appearance. Take some time to heal.

Don't go out and get wasted to get over him. Don't send him drunk messages. Don't post pictures of you and other guys.

Don't even text him afterward. If he has something to say, he will say it. Let him feel what it's like to not have you.

Take some time for yourself, and allow yourself heal. Go workout, grab some lunch with friends and relax for a couple days. Then, when you're ready, forgive him and move forward.

Ultimately, it's important to not resent him. Like they say, “Holding a grudge is just letting someone live rent-free in your head.” And he doesn't deserve that.

You're both better off this way, and there's no need to hold anything agains him. I promise it was nothing personal to you or about you.

Life will bring you who you need at the right time, and it's important to trust that. And in the meantime, protect your sanity by moving forward gracefully instead of spitefully.

You'll feel better by healing completely and finding true happiness. And when your ex hears or sees how well you're doing, he will really reconsider that breakup decision.

No more attention from you? Now he has all that time to think about you!

If you read the above and are saying, “I don't want to play games,” let me just note these are not games.

The message here is to know your value and own your worth. You are enough. You will be okay.

Don't let your pride go down the drain just because the guy you've been seeing for three months decided to “take his life in a different direction.” So, what? You're better than that, and it's his loss.

If he says he wants to break up, I hope you think, “Damn, I have brunch at noon. I wonder if he needs help packing?”

Good luck!