It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been seeing someone; going through a breakup sucks.
Of course, some breakups are worse than others. Personally, I’ve dealt with relationships that ended in years, months and weeks, with the longest lasting four years.
Now, having a pity party for yourself is on par for the course.
There are so many emotions going on in your head, that you often feel certifiably insane -- especially when you’re the one who got dumped.
Hey, calm down – take a deep breath – and look around.
You’re not alone.
As a dating coach, I look at client questionnaires daily. You can see the emotional scars left from past breakups when coming across their responses.
Especially when we ask them “describe your perfect match” and “what are your deal breakers?” Some of the quotes in those questionnaires will make you feel lucky to be single.
The pure bitter and jadedness hits you like a ton of bricks. As bad as you think you have it, someone else has a break-up story 10 times worse.
So what shouldn’t you do if you get dumped?
Here are five suggestions you’re probably going to do anyway:
1. Don’t call her up crying.
By no means am I saying you can’t try and reach out after some time as passed.
However, calling up all emotional, like your entire world is crumbling around you is only going to make her want you less.
Nothing turns women off more than a needy person who lacks self-confidence.
If your former fling has clearly stated she doesn’t want to see you anymore, it’s best to back off.
She’s won this round and your PMSing moment only assures her dominance over you.
2. Refrain from stalking her on social media.
Guys, whatever you do, don’t stalk her on social media. This is exactly what she wants you to do. I guarantee looking at her pics will push you into emotions you’ll have no idea how to deal with.
Fact: After a breakup, all women will post their most lethal, sexy photo game of their entire social media careers; we're talking hall of fame level.
Like Jordan in the mid-90s, they’ll nail shot after shot.
You’ll see her out with her friends, dreamy eyed selfies, bikini pics, an entire new wardrobe, probably a new hairstyle too. She'll post anything to make it seem like she’s have the time of her life (without you).
This will cue all the lingering douchebags on her accounts to like or favorite all of her posts, with the delusion that maybe, just maybe, it will inspire her to be DTF for them.
Do you want to see this sh*t?
No. It’s a mirage; don’t fall for it.
If your ex was an exhibit at the zoo, would you go visit her daily and see what she’s up to? Hell no.
Don’t take a digital trip to that zoo.
The only thing you’re going to see is a cute animal putting on a show, occasionally rolling around in her own feces.
PS, this includes texting or calling her and bitching about being blocked on Instagram or Facebook.
Who gives a flying f*ck if you’re not Facebook friends?
As you get older you’ll realize Facebook is a pool of shameless self-promotion, hyperlinks to crap you don’t want to read and inappropriate pregnancy term photos that should remain private.
She did you a favor.
3. Don't bottle up and suppress your emotions.
Don’t be that “tough guy” who doesn’t talk about feelings and keeps his emotional past relationship baggage all bottled up.
You’ll end up being this misogynistic prick who can’t relate or feel anything women are trying to communicate. Trust me, I’ve seen it with our older male clients all the time.
Let it out men, let it out.
How do you let it out?
Get a hobby that will distract you from reminiscing in your down time.
Travel, dominate your fantasy football league, work out, get in the best shape of your life. You’re a free agent, after all.
You don’t want to mope around wearing that chick repellant look all over your face.
Go out, network with people. Lean on our friends and your family for support, but only to a certain extent.
4. Don't get advice from people who shouldn’t give it.
It always seems like a good idea at the time to seek out the advice of others.
Like I just said, you need to vent about this stuff right?
Yes, venting is good, but take the advice with a grain of salt.
You’ll get advice from family and friends who have no business giving it. Most of the time, it’s the same regurgitated rhetoric.
Here, I’ll save you the time:
Give her space, she’ll eventually come around. She just needs time. Wow, that bitch is crazy. You’re totally better off without her. Everything happens for a reason.
Dude, you should go out and bang a lot of girls. Hey, you sure she wasn’t banging someone else? We should go to a strip club to take your mind off things.
So let me add all of this up:
That bitch is crazy. All women are crazy. Give her space, because no one likes a needy man.
Everything happens for a reason, and that reason right now is for you to hunt new chicks, while trying not to envision your ex banging someone else.
And if I have a hard time getting over her, it helps to watch naked chicks dance on stage?
Yup, sounds about right. Thanks, guys.
5. Looking at old mementos or sentimental objects.
I’m sure she gave you cards with quotes that could make the meanest guy melt.
And I bet you have a picture of you two in a nice frame of somewhere you went to.
Maybe that blanket or hoodie she left at your place that still smells like her perfume. Oh, and those sexy selfies in your phone.
Ok, eye-ball those for a minute (or 10).
Stop. Take all of her sh*t and get rid of it.
I’m not saying you need to dump it in the trash, but put it all in a box and chuck it in your attic or basement.
Get it out of sight and out of mind until you’re ready to fully purge it.
Keeping this stuff around is only going to hinder your progress in moving on and make you that whiny bitch we’ve already talked about.
Obviously, you’re not going to throw away your phone.
But it’s best to delete all the texts if you need to keep those sexy selfie pics for memories -- cough, cough -- then save them on a computer or separate place in your phone.
Do some manly things and keep yourself busy.
You must find something to keep your attention to prevent lonely self-loathing.
Good luck, men.