Why Guys Seem To Fall Off The Face Of The Earth Before The Fourth Date

by Amy Sofka

If dating were easy, we’d all be in relationships.

In the dating world, the saying, "Three times a charm," can ring true on the third date, or the time after can be your worst f*cking nightmare. As a girl, you know this is go-time; this is the 10-yard sprint to the finish line.

There is a particular question posed after the third date: To pursue or move on?

I can be baffled as to why the guy disappears after the third date; hell, I can be baffled why he never reached out after the first.

But, I digress. You retrace your steps; he sure acted like he was having a great time.

For someone who thinks straight men are just not that great of actors, it’s very black and white.

Do you want another drink? Do you want to watch that basketball game with my friends? Do you want to see that band at the Aragon? These are concrete examples that exhibit a man's interest or lack thereof; these basic actions translate to interest or farewell.

This then leads you to believe men are capable of dating.

But, the real question with your flavor of the month is, will you make it to date four? Let’s break down the obstacles in your way:

1. Have Your Own Sh*t Going On

Are you too eager to get together? Are you putting the crazy out into the universe? Exude your calmness and “good vibes,” and he will pick up on what you are putting out.

An Uber driver (more on Uber later) once told me teachers and nurses are their own worst enemies because their nurturing stereotypes and their kind hearts are their greatest downfalls.

Their hearts are too big; thus, their emotions can’t be controlled!

Just kidding.

Translation: Don’t ignore him in a means of acting overtly aloof. Instead, let him know you’re going on that girls trip to Charleston or taking that wine tour this weekend with friends.

When he sees you're not waiting at his beck and call, it will be even more alluring that you aren’t depending on him solely for your happiness.

He can see himself engaging in these fun activities with you, and only you.

2. Date Around; Don’t Put All Your Eggs In One Basket

The best part of being single is having the option to shop around.

I know, it's annoying when your married or taken friends tell you how lucky you are to be single. But, for you, it feels like an eternity since you’ve been in relationship.

Take being single as something positive; breathe fresh life into it by looking at it in a different angle. As a girl, it’s easy to date a guy a few times and sum it up: “He’s cool. We’ve been on some fun dates. I’m attracted to him. He laughed at my jokes! Check, check, check.”

The problem is, if he felt the same way about you, there would be fewer single people on Tinder, and we wouldn’t have a saturated market of dating apps.

You know what’s going on in your life, but you have yet to know what’s occurring in his, especially in these early stages.

Maybe he’s traveling a lot for work, having family issues or just dating around and not giving any of the girls he’s dating second thoughts.

He stays in the present and enjoys the time together, but it doesn’t last after your short rendezvous.

The solution to this is to date around. Date a few guys and see what else is out there. Think of it like lip gloss: Do you only have one? No, you keep two in every purse and jacket you own and another stash in your house and car.

You don’t have to get crazy and hoard dates, but try not to invest all your energy into this one guy who might disappear on you in two weeks without an explanation.

They say when it rains, it pours -- sometimes, that can refer to men!

3. Don’t Give It Up Before The Third Date

I love Uber wisdom. It’s like taxi cab confessions, but I take a little more stock in my drivers' responses because sometimes, they offer some sage advice or a different perspective.

In one ride, I had a great conversation with a funny law student who was cracking me up. I asked him why guys tend to disappear after a third date, and he was not shocked by my query.

He proceeded to tell me I would be surprised by some females and how easily they give it up before the third date (not to throw them under the bus or anything).

It may seem obvious to not give away all the goods before a predetermined date, but why not leave a little mystery? I know this can be a hotly debated issue. Does having sex too soon ruin what could’ve been there? Or, does having it accelerate what would happen in the future?

In the words of Uber driver man, "I'll spend $1,000 to get laid; it's all about the hunt." Meaning, I’ll put down the cash to date her; it’s not about the money, but the coveted chase that keeps men interested.

If girls are giving it up before the third date, and the guy isn’t texting you again, maybe rethink this aspect in order to push past this roadblock of dating. Maintain that upper hand.

The point is, let him date you; let him “hunt” you. Put the sexual element to the side and see if you are even into him. Be a proponent of letting things develop organically, but consider letting him chase you a bit.

4. Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself

Sometimes, it's you; sometimes, it’s him.

The curveball: Did you act interested on the third date? Maybe you were subconsciously giving him body language that you weren’t interested and he picked up on it.

Maybe you had resting bitch face when he went into detail about the football game, and you were yawning but didn’t realize it.

If he had called you, you wouldn’t genuinely be interested, but rather, just prolonging the inevitable. Either way, at the end of the day, your life situations have to match up.

I’m a believer that timing has to be right; he needs to be in just as good of a headspace as you, wanting to make you a priority.

But, the pendulum can, of course, swing the other way; maybe, you’re not who he’s looking for, and thus, he's not interested enough. Don’t overanalyze; it is what it is. Don’t waste energy on someone who isn’t giving you second thoughts.

These are some genuine observations, and some may argue there is always a game being played with calculated moves. Other women might be too laissez-faire to care whether he reaches out after the fourth date. I know, you’re too cool.

However, we all know the feeling when you are dating that one person and each text gets you a little more interested and prepping for the date gives you that little skip in your step.

Don’t let those little special attributes fade away when dating becomes a job and you aren’t enjoying being in the present.

Keep going on those first dates to get to the fourth!