For most people today, love is found online or through a friend. But for most Millennials, the word “love” has become as taboo as “sex” used to be.
The one-night stand has gone from something people shamed you for, to something both genders pursue. We live in a world where objectification is commonplace. Respect and boundaries are words whose meanings are lost with job security and affordable gas prices. Although we Millennials heard them used plenty of times by our parents, their value has been lost with skin-tight dresses and yoga pants.
Enter the age of the f*ckboy. A f*ckboy, to a woman, is basically an attractive guy whom she sees no value in beyond sex. The f*ckboy, in her eyes, is only out for one thing and has no interest in the idea of commitment. His desires are purely selfish, and his interest in her is fueled by his desire to get her into bed.
The problem is that for Millennial men, this has become a badge of honor. Treating a woman with dignity and respect has become so uncommon that Millennial women have started to believe the majority of the men in our generation live this way.
What happens, though, when a man is done acting this way? What happens when a man matures, is ready to settle down and actually commit himself to a real relationship? How does a man get a woman — who now expects every man to be a f*ckboy — to take him seriously?
The one thing I hear every woman say she wants in a man is a "gentleman." What is a gentleman? A gentleman is a man who values his woman, and who goes out of his way to make her feel special. A gentleman has manners and class. It used to be the way men were expected to be, but now it's become so rare, women don't know how to respond when they see it.
Men have created this negative stigma through the way we act, and we assume women are OK with it because they allow it and sometimes even enable it. But we're wrong. They're not OK with that, they've just gotten so used to it, they've given up on trying to change us.
It's an uphill climb from the beginning. When a woman spots a man nowadays, she will immediately assume he's a f*ckboy. She's already convinced herself that you won't be a gentleman, and even though she may be interested in you physically, she won't waste her time imagining a relationship. She still has needs, so she'll get what she wants, but getting her to stick around will take work.
The tables have turned, and men are on the losing end. Women have stopped believing in us. They don't value us because we don't value them. We stopped treating them like treasures and started treating them like trash, and so they do the same. Believe it or not, men aren't winning in this game. We are losing.
So, put away your ego for a few minutes and heed my advice. Here are three simple tips to go from f*ckboy, to boyfriend material:
1. Chivalry is not dead.
Trust me, chivalry is alive and well and she's waiting for it. She may pretend she doesn't care if you don't open that door or pull out that chair, but she does. Inside, she's already marking off points on her list of intangibles.
Women want to be pampered, and the good ones love a guy who will take the time to put them first. Open that door, pull out that chair and pay that check. She may offer to split it, and if she does, that's great. But if she doesn't, don't ask. You're the man, so pay. If you want to keep her around, let her know from the start that you are willing to go out of your way for her at every turn. If you make her feel important and treat her like royalty, it's highly likely she'll go out with you again.
2. Stay focused and pay attention.
Men can go through life very obliviously, but a woman wants you to pay attention.Women like to talk, and they want nothing more than to be heard. They also want you to stay focused on them. Have tunnel vision with your date, look into her eyes, nod and respond to let her know you're listening.
Be attentive. Show her she's the only thing you're interested in, and she will appreciate you for it. You cannot be her boyfriend if you cannot be her friend, and you cannot be her friend if she doesn't feel like she can talk to you. If you can connect with what she's saying, you're even better off. So, do your homework. Be ready to be interactive and receptive, and it will make you more appealing.
3. Don't f*ck on the first date.
She's expecting you to try to and have sex with her like every other guy does. Do yourself a favor and surprise her by not being like every other guy. Go into your date with no intention of sleeping with her. Even if the date is incredible and things are progressing to the point where she's inviting you back to her place, for once in your life, be a man and say no.
Don't be a jerk about it, though. Just say you have to be up early for work or something, but make sure you go out of your way to let her know you want to see her again. Text her after you leave just to tell her how much fun you had, and ask her to look at her schedule to plan date number two.
She will view your patience as a sign that you want something more than just sex, and she will respect you for it. Your value meter will rise because you didn't try to get in her pants. It will also make the moment you do have sex that much more special for both of you. Be patient, and wait at least a few dates. I know it sounds impossible, but trust me, it's worth it.
4. She doesn't want a f*ckboy. She wants a man.
You really think she wants you more when you act callously? She doesn't. She can take her pick of men like that. She may play along, but she hates it. She deals with it because, by now, she thinks it's just the way men are. We've left women convinced at this point that we are jerks by nature. We think it's beneficial to look and act like we don't care, but trust me, you'll get a lot farther if you show her you actually do.
Women want a man with confidence, but not an assh*le. F*ckboys are the definition of assh*les, which is why women despise them. Girls like assh*les. Women want men.
Poll a group of women and you'll find that most want a man who is intelligent, driven and passionate. They desire someone who will take care of them and pamper them. They want a man who will work hard during the day, then come home, cook her dinner and hold her at night. Obviously, we can't all be that perfect man, but you get the point.
They want a man they can count on to be responsible, trustworthy and reliable. They want a man they can rely on in times of need. Women will use f*ckboys, but they won't love them. Be aggressive in success and driven to financial stability, and make a concerted effort to learn how to meet her needs for affection and attention.
A strong, stable, dependable man who is loving and passionate is like a treasure to a woman. A f*ckboy is, and always will be, only good for one thing.
This article was originally published on the author's personal blog.