3 Pieces Of Advice For Guys Who Always Get Burned In New Relationships
I like to think about how right this quote is.
Other times, I think about how wrong it is.
I have learned that I tend to love too hard and too passionately, and most people don’t know how to handle it.
It ends with me alone with my feelings, putting up walls and being guarded.
The truth is, yes, at some point, everyone is going to do something that hurts you.
We are human; it’s inevitable.
But then, I think about the people we would think are worth suffering for.
Afterward, I think, why should I suffer?
Recently, I let my walls down for someone.
I let myself fall — my own fault — too quickly.
Nonetheless, I suffered, and in some ways, I am still questioning if it was worth the trouble.
While my friends say they appreciate how I can love deeply and passionately, when it comes to my love life, it tends to be the one thing that scares people away.
If you’re a hopeless romantic like me, you know we tend to trick ourselves into thinking certain people are everything we've ever dreamed of.
And maybe they are.
But when their emotions aren't willing to stand up to ours, all of their characteristics simply fall flat.
Of course, being the “expert” that I am, I give a lot of advice to my friends.
So when it comes to me getting hurt, they will repeat the advice I should be giving to myself.
So, if you’re in need of healing from someone you fell for, here are three pieces of advice I’m trying to take from myself:
1. Don't let people take advantage of your kindness.
Don’t be a life preserver one day, and a coat hanger the next.
Countless friends have heard this piece of advice from me, but I still can’t follow it.
The metaphor is simple: Don’t be someone’s support and then be taken advantage of.
You are better than that.
Know who you are, know what you want and know your worth.
Don’t accept anything less than that.
When you are in the water saving someone, and then you're left hung out to dry, your mind wonders if you’re good enough.
You might start to ask the scariest of questions or critique yourself.
But, know that you deserve someone who is going to be consistent.
2. Don't make time for people who don't value yours.
As a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, I tend to find the good in people and write countless excuses for those who treat me horribly.
So, when someone doesn’t text me back or gives me the “I’m just so busy” excuse, I’ll tell myself that person's intentions are still good.
Listen, finding love is hard enough, but why fight for someone who doesn’t want to be fought for?
It’s a tough thing to accept.
But, when someone is committed to you, he or she will always make time for you. End of story.
He or she may be beautiful with an amazing job.
He or she probably has incredible aspirations, loves dogs and will actually go running with you.
But at the end of the day, if he or she isn't ready to work toward the same thing as you, then you are only damaging yourself.
3. Don't make excuses for people who don't care about you.
The truth is, when we pass up someone and use time as an excuse, it isn’t really about time.
It’s a choice to give in to fear and insecurity.
It means that person has placed a value on something — or someone — other than you.
Because when someone is right for us, we’ll fight for him or her.
Take it from the opposite perspective.
If someone isn’t willing to place the same value on you that you are for him or her, then that person isn’t worth it.
Value displays what’s important in someone’s life, and through relationships, value can grow between individuals.
Know the other person’s intentions, and protect yourself if he or she isn't on the same level as you.
This is all easier said than done.
And when you are someone who loves hard and lives passionately, it’s difficult not come across crazy or intense at times.
But, someone who cares for you will at least try to understand that, and the right one will value you for it.
So, while I was tearing down my walls because I cared about that person, I knew I had to reevaluate.
Being in a relationship should mean you enjoy that person and care for him or her as much as he or she does you.
It can never be a one-way street.
You should protect, defend and support each other equally.
This is where reassurance and security come in, when you agree to share yourself with someone else.
Anything less feels like relinquishment.
So, if you didn’t come to mind when thinking of things he or she couldn’t lose, you deserve better.