The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Of Every Kind Of 'Date' You'll Go On
A "date" has a loose meaning for our generation. From watching Netflix in his bed to having him buy you a slice of pizza at four in the morning, I think it is safe to say that our standards for courtship have taken a tumble.
Let me show you what I mean: the good, the bad and the ugly of every kind of “date” we have grown a little too accustomed to.
The "Netflix and chill" date
He invites you to “Netflix and chill” at his place.
The Good: There is no need to get ready for this date. It is literally in his bed. Show up in your jammies. Heck, you can even put in your retainer!
The Bad: Turns out that by “watch Netflix and chill,” he actually meant “suck my dick while "House of Cards" plays in the background.” So... remember to take your retainer out first.
The Ugly: Not only did he not care enough to take you out, he didn't even respect you enough to let you enjoy an episode of your favorite show without a mouthful of scrotum.
The "are you out?” text at 2 am
It's almost closing time, and you get that trusty “are you out?” text from you-know-who.
The Good: This can actually be the most fun "date." You're both hammered enough to forget about the fact that this is a blatant booty call, and you can enjoy your karaoke rendition of Bey and Jay's "Bonnie and Clyde."
The Bad: At the end of the day, it is a blatant booty call. This is a fun "date" as long as it's not the only one you're having with him.
The Ugly: If you were hammered enough to respond to a 2 am text, odds are you were hammered enough to regret this in the morning.
The breakfast following a one-night stand
The two of you wake up after a good, drunk, old-fashioned porking sesh, and this modern Casanova treats you to bagels and coffee.
The Good: This small gesture is rare. In our generation, a random hookup from the bar who soberly buys you breakfast the next morning is as close to a grand gesture as it gets.
The Bad: It may be close to a grand gesture, but it is NOT a grand gesture at all. No matter how much you want to interpret this as a sign of his love, it's really nothing more than a free bagel from a virtual stranger.
The Ugly: The breakfast the next morning creates a sense of false hope. This guy was supposed to be different, and that’s why it hurts 1000 times more when you find out he’s the same as all of the other jerks who didn’t buy you bagels.
The drink that turned into several
It’s your first date, and you were supposed to “grab a drink.” That became 12 tequila shots and a makeout session in the bathroom stall.
The Good: Well, at least it wasn’t awkward.
The Bad: It's probably not the best sign that you had to get trashed to have a good time.
The Ugly: Do you see yourself telling your grandchildren about how blacked you got on your first date with Grandpa? Nope, didn’t think so.
The late-night Taco Bell
You meet at the bars. Before he takes you home for the inevitable one-night stand, he treats you to some late-night deliciousness.
The Good: Like the next-morning bagels, the meal sets this guy apart from all the other one-night stands. It makes him seem different. This is a special thing between the two of you. Also, um, hello, FREE DRUNK FOOD.
The Bad: This isn’t actually a special thing between the two of you. It’s just late-night food.
The Ugly: This is in no way, shape or form a date. This guy is hammered and wants himself some Taco Bell. You just happened to be there for the ride.
The drinks-and-dinner date... minus the dinner
He invites you to dinner and drinks... except that he forgets to mention that “dinner” was going to be the trail mix left out on the table by the kind people who run the dive bar.
The Good: Dinner dates can be AWKWARD. If the date goes south, you're stuck talking to this nimrod until the meal is finished and the bill is paid. In a sense, you just dodged a major bullet.
The Bad: Sure, drinks aren't intimidating, and they're sort of relieving. But you were excited for dinner. You were excited about a real guy who actually wanted to take you out for a real meal.
The Ugly: In your heart of hearts, you know the difference between the guy who takes you to dinner and the guy who promises dinner but never delivers.
The group hang
You and your friends join him and his friends for a group hangout (this might mean a boozy brunch or a BBQ at his friend Jimmy’s place).
The Good: People are their truest selves when surrounded by their close friends. This is a low-stakes way for you to get to know the real him -- and for him to get to know the real you.
The Bad: What if his friends don’t get along with your friends? This can very quickly transition from a fun, cute idea to a middle school dance: guys on one side, girls on the other.
The Ugly: Quality time together is another way to get to know the “real” him -- minus the awkward, forced group gathering that nobody wants to attend. Why aren't you trying the one-on-one?
The date with the handsy guy
He kisses you mid-sentence and cannot stop talking about how hot you are.
The Good: It’s a real confidence booster -- I mean, you must be, like, REALLY hot.
The Bad: You cannot get a word in edgewise without this horndog trying to shove his tongue down your throat.
The Ugly: Though he’s boosting your confidence in your physical features, he's taking a giant dump on your personality. Apparently, nothing you have to say is worth listening to.
The date with the hard-to-get guy
He forgets your name and regularly checks his phone for what you can only assume are texts from his next date.
The Good: You can forget him and use the free drinks as a pregame before you meet up with your friends.
The Bad: You find yourself actually trying to be interesting enough to grab the attention of this tool.
The Ugly: Unfortunately, many girls are attracted to this elusive douche. The more he treats you like a number, the more you find yourself trying to become a name.
The therapy session you didn't get paid for
The “date” turned into “two hours of me telling you about my life’s traumas, from my relationship with my mother to my cheating ex.”
The Good: This gives you a chance to scope out any real red flags before you get in too deep.
The Bad: The date is obviously all about him.
The Ugly: This guy might need REAL therapy before he’s ready for anything worthwhile.