You would think being in a relationship on Valentine's Day would be a walk in the park. Sadly, that's not the case, and those who believe this to be true are probably single.
There's a lot of pressure you wouldn't even think of... gifts or no gifts? Dinner or no dinner? How long do you date before you have to give a card? How do you sign off on the card?
Are you expected to drop $80 or more on lingerie that you will probably only be wearing for a minute and a half?
F*ck you Hallmark for all of the unrealistic expectations you give billions of people. I blame you for encouraging and promoting the ridiculousness that is draining my bank account dry.
I can't even afford takeout sushi, now I'm expected to go halfsies on a $75 prix fixe meal? Whatever happened to someone's presence being a present?
Yup, you heard it -- the struggle is real and, today, it's going to be broken down for you.
Going out over the weekend
The Good: You've actually got plans.
The Bad: You've got to put pants on and leave the house.
The Ugly: One of you will get pissed about something because a night out always involves heavy drinking.
The Good: You don't have to put any effort into your appearance.
The Bad: You don't feel like you have to put any effort into your appearance.
The Ugly: You.
The status of your bank account
The Good: There's a solid chance he is taking care of the entire bill.
The Bad: You over ordered every course.
The Ugly: He's not footing the whole bill and you didn't come prepared.
The Good: You're getting a gift.
The Bad: You have to pretend to like whatever it is.
The Ugly: You didn't get him sh*t.
Pressure to make plans
The Good: You have someone to make plans with!
The Bad: Anything attached to expectations will result in disappointment.
The Ugly: You waited until the last minute and your dinner reservation is at 11 pm.
The Good: You're eating.
The Bad: You're eating too much.
The Ugly: You're eating your food and his.
Duration of relationship
The Good: You finally have a date for Valentine's Day.
The Bad: You've only been dating two months and have no idea how to celebrate.
The Ugly: You show up empty-handed and he shows up with a bouquet of roses.
Your single friends
The Good: You don't have to have a pity party with them.
The Bad: They f*cking hate you.
The Ugly: They won't invite you to anything going on during the weekend.
The Good: You know you are guaranteed a romp in the sack.
The Bad: You know exactly what it's going to be like.
The Ugly: You both pass out immediately before round two.
The Good: You're going to get a nice dinner picture in any filter.
The Bad: He fails to acknowledge it in any capacity.
The Ugly: When he pic stitches 13 pictures of the two of you over the past three years.
The Good: Your mom thinks you found love.
The Bad: Your dad knows you're getting f*cked.
The Ugly: Your dad's probably f*cking your mom.
The Good: It takes your relationship to the next level.
The Bad: It's taking it to a level you did not anticipate.
The Ugly: He runs for the hills after dinner and you run in the complete opposite direction.
The Good: You share a romantic bottle of wine at dinner.
The Bad: You pass out before you have sex.
The Ugly: He throws up at the restaurant.
Prix fixe dinner menu
The Good: The decision is essentially made for you.
The Bad: You are paying up the ass for foods you typically would never order.
The Ugly: Alcohol is never included.
The Good: You get an excuse to eat chocolate.
The Bad: You eat the entire chocolate box.
The Ugly: You look terrible when you take your clothes off.
The Good: Your new boyfriend is better than your ex.
The Bad: His new girlfriend is hotter than you are.
The Ugly: You wake up to your drunk conversation with him when you should've been making out with your boyfriend.
The Good: Everything goes exactly the way you planned it.
The Bad: Nothing ever goes as planned.
The Ugly: You two drink so much at dinner you end getting matching tattoos before midnight and break up the following morning.