Davide Illini

Everything That Runs Through Your Mind When You Consider Going Back To An Ex

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I know you miss your ex. I miss mine, too. I know, your ex is not like the others. This relationship was different.

I know you were sure it would last, but it didn't. And now you're questioning why. Why did I act that way? Why did my ex say that? Why were we so petty to let that get in the way?

I know you've been with others since the breakup. Yet, no one seems to compare to your ex. Dates fizzle within minutes, you can't help but think of your ex when you kiss another person and you give up on someone with potential after the third date, but you don't know why.

I know it's hard on lonely nights. It's hard when, even if it's been months or years, you think back to when you were with your ex and were happy. If you were lucky, your ex's friends became your friends, and your ex's family felt like family. Then they're all gone. There is a gap, and despite your attempts to fill it, it persists and you don't know why.

I know it was hard at first. And then, you got over it. At least, you thought you got over it. Now, something sparks in your mind, and you go back into the memory of when you were with your ex. Your ex would understand, and your ex would get the joke. You wish you could talk to your ex because there is no one who can relate. A relationship is a friendship, and then some. You didn't only lose your ex; you also lost your friend.

I know you were sure that giving up on the relationship was the best decision you ever made. Your ex didn't treat you right, and you didn't treat your ex like you should have. You deserved a better relationship, a better situation, a better person. Now, you are doubting your decision.

Was it a mistake to give up? What could I have done to save the relationship? What if I acted differently? Would my ex have acted differently? Would we still be together? You doubt, and you ruminate, but you also know it wasn't all your fault. You can't live in the past and play the "What if?" game.

I know you're debating whether or not to give it another shot. You're debating whether or not to give your ex another chance. After all, it was how your ex acted that led to the breakup. You're debating whether or not the breakup was a mistake.

Maybe you were letting your emotions run free, and that's why you said what you said. It's been some time, and you're more emotionally mature. So, you ask yourself if you could make the relationship work now. You want to get back together. Perhaps you still love your ex, and your ex still loves you. Isn't love supposed to overcome all obstacles?

I know, and I think you know it, too. Nothing is certain when it comes to love, especially when you look back on the one you felt would last, but didn't. There is no formula that will tell you whether you should fight for your relationship or succumb to defeat and walk away for good.

I don't know. I don't know your situation; I only know my own. I know how you might feel because I feel the same, but I don't know whether you and your ex are meant for each other. I don't know, so I can't tell you.

But before you decide, remember that your memory and the idea of your ex are not real. As humans, we are constantly changing. Yet too often, we live in our own minds.

When it comes to past love, the philosopher Seneca reminds us:

We are weak, watery beings standing in the midst of unrealities.