I've never been a huge fan of haircuts, honestly. Immediately upon walking into a barbershop, I don't know, I always feel like some type of f*ck-up is inevitable.
And maybe it's just my luck — which is usually abysmal — but regardless of how thoroughly I explain which type of hairstyle I desire, it's never what I end up walking out with.
Ultimately, after two or three days of "adjusting" to my fresh hairdo, I almost always come around on the new look.
With that said, the first few moments after getting your ears lowered can be a slight shock — especially if you decide to change up your look and go with something more extreme.
I will say this notion is not exclusively confined to matters regarding one's own hair. In fact, when you're in a relationship and your significant other decides to try out a new look, it can be equally as surprising.
I mean, I'm sure Amanda Bynes' boyfriend was a bit taken aback the first time he took her out to dinner with a blue wig on her head — and Kevin Federline had to be a bit stunned when Britney Spears took the clippers to hers.
Nevertheless, as her significant other, it's your duty to be supportive, unconditionally — regardless of how... avant-garde... the haircut may be in reality.
So, you feign some compliments; you tell her you "love it," and you more or less focus on making her feel special because you love her — and you're obligated to.
Nevertheless, while you might be acting a certain way, it doesn't necessarily mean your thoughts are following the same course.
Here are the 51 thoughts most guys have immediately upon catching wind of their girlfriend's new haircut:
1. One text message... Oh, it’s *insert girlfriend's name*.
2. She knows I’m at work right now; this better be important.
3. “I got a new haircut.” What the f*ck does that mean???
4. She’s usually pretty good down there.
5. “No, not a landing strip, I got a bob,” wait, what?
6. She got a Bob? Who the f*ck is Bob?
7. Ohhhh, a "bob" is a type of haircut? Hmm, you don't say...
8. And a short one at that.
9. Well, I could definitely get down with that.
10. Love me a girl with short hair, so raw — so edgy — yet elegant!
11. Wait, she’s sending a picture of it.
12. Can’t wait to see my girl.
13. Oh, oh, God no.
14. What the f*ck is this?
15. She looks like House.
16. Dr. f*cking House.
17. Epic — my girlfriend looks like Hugh Laurie — ain't that some sh*t?
18. What in God’s name did she ask her stylist for when she walked in that place? A “Hugh”?
19. Oh, right, a “bob.” Suddenly that name is starting to make some sense.
20. Well, it’ll grow back, right?
21. I mean, I hear biotin capsules are good for hair growth…
22. ...I just hope they dissolve in coffee, too.
23. Lord knows I'll be spiking her lattes for the next few months.
24. JK. I mean I know I can't actually put something in her drink; I bet there's a legal method here.
25. Worst case, I have a sh*t load of hats she could borrow in the interim — although she seems to be delighted with the new look.
26. You know, on second thought, I think I kind of like the new look too.
27. I’m sure once she runs a brush — or a comb, probably — through it, it’ll look fantastic.
28. It’s got that whole pot-smoking, breast-exposing Miley Cyrus type of feel to it.
29. Although, I sure hope this haircut doesn’t mark the beginning of a downward spiral for her.
30. Seriously though, if she tries pulling any of that Britney Spears sh*t — I’m going to have to cut her off...
31. ...like she did with all her hair. I ain't no Kevin Federline.
32. All right, all right, definitely too soon for jokes.
33. I mean, I get she wanted a change, but couldn’t she have switched up her wardrobe or something a tad subtler?
34. I don’t know; the whole hair thing feels drastic to me, man.
35. And no warning, no nothing beforehand.
36. I guess my opinion doesn’t matter, right?
37. I’m just “the boyfriend,” after all.
38. She hemorrhages whenever I go to the gym without touching base with her, but it appears that radical changes to her appearance don’t require a text.
39. It’s just selfish, honestly.
40. I loved that hair.
41. I hope she donated it at least; you never want to see good hair go to waste.
42. I really have to ask Britney Spears how long it takes for women to grow back entire heads of hair.
43. What if it never grows back the same?
44. Or worse, what if this new hairstyle becomes the standard?
45. I'm just going to be honest and tell her I loathe it.
46. C'mon, Dan, that's horrible. I need to support her decisions.
47. Eh, I'm pretty supportive as is; I think I can afford to be upfront about this one.
48. In fact — if we're going to be honest here — I think it's time she and I had "the talk."
49. You know, I feel like I really need to focus on myself right now.
50. Just need to think of the right way to word it to her...
51. How about, "if you love something, let it go, and if it returns, it was meant to be."
52. And when her hair returns, I'll know it was meant to be.