You've heard of the “guy code”. A set of unspoken rules that men apply to their male family, best friends, acquaintances and usually other dudes in general. You can't hit on a friend's girlfriend, date a friend's sister, and you shouldn't hit on a girl who is clearly with someone else.
“Bros before hoes”. As much as I detest the inherent misogyny of the adage, I can acknowledge its value. I have come to realize that girl code doesn't seem to exist. And if it ever did, it has almost entirely been replaced by opportunism and aggressive promiscuity.
At one point in my life, I had the misfortune of dating a professional athlete. What I first noticed in that relationship would later become a disturbing trend in most of my relationships. From time to time he and I would go out to clubs together. Women around us never seemed to care that I was on his arm. There was no respect. No boundaries. No shame.
While I stood by, they'd come over batting their glued-on eyelashes, touching his arm and smiling seductively. Of course this was the beginning of the end in my mind; not necessarily because of the extra attention he received from girls, but because I always had the feeling that he wanted to act on it. So I promised myself, if I could avoid it, I would not date anyone like him again.
Unfortunately for me, it was seemingly unavoidable. Over the next two years, I dated men who, though not athletes or celebrities, had status. They were in a position of power; they were young, successful and attractive. Of course they were catches, I knew this. But I always held myself in high regard and considered myself their equal, as all women should.
The problem with dating a “catch”, especially in a city like New York, is that they are hot commodities. Women want to be with a man who ticks all the boxes. Regrettably, some women will step on anyone to get that man, even their best friend. Often times, men in relationships are even more appealing because they have demonstrated an ability to commit to one woman, so automatically they become a magnet for boyfriend-hunters.
So, how does one steer clear of this potential threat? The truth is, there is no way to avoid it. You can either settle for someone who isn't appealing to the masses of women (which still gives no guarantee of fidelity), or you can choose to trust the person you are with and hope that he won't fall into a mantrap. Neither solution gives much peace of mind.
A guy friend of mine once told me something that stuck with me over the years. He said, “No matter how hot, smart or perfect a girl is, there's always some guy who's sick of fucking her.” He sounds like an asshole, I know. But he was merely pointing out the obvious fact that men like variety.
They are genetically programmed to “spread their seed”. And then it dawned on me. Why would any man want to settle for one woman, when he could have a different chick every night? Especially if he's getting offers flying at him from every direction.
One of my favorite Sex and the City quotes is, "A man is only as faithful as his options.” What if someday someone prettier, smarter, funnier or just new comes along? Will your man always turn them away? How many sexually aggressive women will it take to finally break him down?
When women pursue a taken man, they often justify their behavior by making excuses like, “If he really loved her, he wouldn't be talking to/sleeping with me"; "I felt a connection, I understand him, unlike his girlfriend"; "He'll leave her for me"; etc., etc. These women are conditioning men to perpetually cheat—but if he does it to her, what's to stop him from doing the same thing to you?
I dated a great guy for two years who treated me the way I always wanted, but because of his job, he was constantly surrounded by beautiful women. I am talking about models, socialites and celebrities. Even though it seemed to be pretty common knowledge that he and I were an item, it still didn't discourage girls from coming on to him.
This behavior upset me greatly, mostly because I would never go after a man who had a girlfriend or wife. So why wouldn't these women have the same consideration? I knew that my ex-boyfriend was attracted to some of them—it's human nature, but the fact that it was an ongoing problem was not only extremely frustrating, it was also very damaging to our relationship. Ultimately, it was one of the main reasons we broke up.
I am a firm believer in karmic retribution. I don't want to break up someone's relationship (as unhappy as it may be), because in the end I will have to pay for it in some way. Not to mention, I would be breaking my own personal girl code.
This new breed of aggressive, sexually promiscuous, opportunistic women is ruining relationships and forever changing the face of society. Women are throwing sex around as if it has no consequence; but, when a man is presented with the prospect of sleeping with a new gorgeous girl every night, no strings attached—what sets you apart? And what reason will he have to commit?
I predict that in 30 years, marriage will be an unrealistic ideal reserved only for devout Catholics or the lucky few that still believe it is possible to have one singular love for life.
So this is what I propose we do: there needs to be a universal girl code. We need to reinstate guidelines in defense of love and monogamy. As tempting as it may be: don't flirt with, lead on or sleep with another woman's boyfriend or husband. Period. Whether it be your sister, your best friend, a stranger or even the bitch that did it to you. Karma is the ultimate bitch in this life.
Sisters before misters.
Alice Panikian | Elite.
Alice Panikian is a Canadian model and former Miss Canada. She is currently working on a beauty blog and splits her time between New York City and Toronto. Follow Alice on twitter @alicepanikian.