Ah, ghosting. It's the dating phenomenon that happens when people are too cowardly to actually end things with the people they've been seeing, so they choose to just… disappear instead.
Ghosters are idiots. But if you've ever been ghosted, know that you're not alone.
In this weekly column, I share a tale of a time a reader was ghosted (with accompanying screenshots) so you can see the last text that was sent or words that were uttered before someone decided to disappear forever. I present to you: Boom, Ghosted.
For this week's "Boom, Ghosted," we have Kaia*. Kaia met Jim* on Plenty of Fish a couple of months ago, and let's just say, it's been a long couple of months. At this point, Jim has ghosted her twice.
She cut him some slack after the first time because she knew he'd had relationship trouble in the past, but the second time, he disappeared into thin air after telling her all about the future her saw with her. He was even vulnerable about his fear of getting hurt.
Yep, pretty diabolical stuff.
But you don't have to take my word for it. No, hear about it straight from Kaia here:
Earlier this summer, I made a profile on Plenty of Fish (POF). I had a guy (let's call him Jim*) message me first, which — let's be honest — rarely happens. So, I thought he was somewhat normal. We messaged for a few days on the app, and then we exchanged numbers and texted. Sunday, May 29, we met for lunch. He picked up me from church giving me a hug, drove to lunch at a local restaurant and paid for lunch. I'm thinking the first date is going pretty well. I had him drop me off at my friend's apartment. He gave me another hug when dropping me off, and on the way there, he asked if I would like to go out again. Of course, I said yes. We texted that following week with movie plans being on Thursday. I heard NOTHING from him that day. After 24 hours of not hearing anything, I assume they're no longer interested and send what I call the radio silence text. I still got no reply.
Finally, after about three days of not hearing anything, I messaged him on Facebook, asking if everything was OK since we hadn't talked in a while. He had mentioned experiencing a broken engagement during our first lunch together. So, I kind of thought he'd be on the fence about relationships. We began messaging on Facebook that week, and everything seemed to be going good. There was even a little flirting.
I invited him to church on June 12, but he ended up getting a headache that morning and didn't make it. Later that evening, I asked where he saw us going. The following screenshots show his response, so once again, I'm thinking we're going somewhere. That evening, we even met up to watch the sunset, get Sonic shakes and hang out at a park that's in town. Yes, it's been two weeks from our first date.
He even suggested going disk golfing that following Tuesday. Needless to say, that didn't happen because he had something come up with a friend. And this is the last message I sent a week ago, and I haven't gotten a response.
And that's a wrap for Kaia's story. So, what do you guys think? I think Jim's excuse is total BS. Like, NEWSFLASH, BUDDY: WE ARE ALL AFRAID OF GETTING HURT. That is no excuse to avoid being with someone you really like. Not to mention the fact it is absolutely no excuse for you to go ahead and inflict hurt upon someone else.
No, in fact, I would go so far as to say that the fact he has already been so deeply hurt makes it even worse that he would be willing to put someone else through this.
But, that's just my opinion. What do you guys think? Do you see where he's coming from? Do you maybe have an experience that's similar to hers that you can relate to this? Let me know! I want to hear about it. Comment your thoughts and opinions, and let's talk about it.
And, as always, if you have your own "Boom, Ghosted" story you'd like to submit to the column, please feel free to message me directly on my Facebook page here.
*Names have been changed.