This week, we have Amanda* who was ghosted by her work crush after months of flirting and dating:
In spring 2015, I started a new job. I was totally brand new to this particular industry, and I was finally getting my butt in gear to make more money and have an "adult job," instead of working at Starbucks. I was 24 years old and ready to take on the world!
At my new job, I met a guy, who was the typical 'tall, dark and handsome' man, with the nicest smile EVER! I was always kind of shy when I would see him, but here and there we would make small talk, like "hey, how was your weekend?" or "did you watch the Warriors game?" or the "dude, I'm hella sick." As time went on, he would always say hello when he saw me. And he used to ask me for Vitamin C when he was "sick" and I was more than happy to do so. I slowly started crushing on him, as I noticed he was always making some kind of effort to talk to me or get to know me. But he was never super overbearing or pushy. One day, I had gotten a tattoo. When he asked me about it, we realized he had been to the same tattoo shop I went to. After I showed him my finished my piece, I told him he could go with me for the next tattoo session, and I gave him my number. We starting texting all the time, getting to know each other more and more. He asked me to hang out, and I wasn't really sure how to take it. I didn't want to consider a date, so I just played it off, thinking, "Shoot, we're just going to a local sports bar to grab food and watch the Warriors play ball." Still, I showed up and was so incredibly nervous.
He was totally honest with me about his past relationships, which I totally respected.
But the two of us really hit it off that night. Sure we had been talking for a while, but when we actually hung out one-on-one, I felt like I met a decent guy for once. He was totally honest with me about his past relationships, which I totally respected and never judged him for. Soon enough, it was Christmas time. We ended up going to a local place in my hometown to see Christmas lights (super cheesy, but I wanted him to see it). We even ended up having our first kiss there. As we hung out more often, he started telling me about some of his personal health issues. He pretty much made it seem like I was going to be there for him forever. He asked me if I would do certain things for him if he got too sick (which, of course, I was all for). He even started asking me to move in with him within the next year, and he said he wanted to go to Disneyland and Hawaii with me. He really treated me like I was his girl.
I was his girl.
As far as work went, we made a promise to keep it to ourselves, so we wouldn't get in trouble. And to this day, it's as if nothing ever happened. We would wait for each other after work so we could hang out. We both just wanted to see each other. He went so far as to drive 45 minutes out to my place to pick me up and take me out. He told me he was falling in love with me but didn't want to use the "L" word yet because he wanted to actually mean it. And in my heart, I really felt like I met the man of my dreams. I was so scared to have a relationship because of my own pasty shitty experiences, but he made me feel like I was special. And I really believe I was falling in love with him, too. His birthday quickly approached after the holidays, and that was when he started acting weird. We went from always hanging out with each other to having very little conversation at all. I barely even saw him at work. It was almost like he was dodging me. Since I was trying not to be a drama queen or make any assumptions, I just bit my tongue and acted like nothing was wrong. Eventually, we talked about his behavior, and he told me he's 'kind of been on his own.'
After, I remembered he had a trip to Mexico with his friends coming up. So before his trip, I tried calling and texting him, but I didn't get a response. I even bought tickets to a Warriors game to surprise him before he left, and he never returned my call. I was so devastated. His Mexico trip came and went, and I still hadn't heard from him. Even after he returned to work, I still got NOTHING AT ALL FROM HIM. About a month later, I went to Disneyland with one of my girl friends. I tried texting him about it because we were planning to go (when we were still talking). I also said I missed him and that being at Disneyland was reminding me of him. Soon, I noticed my text wasn't going through. So I tried called, but that didn't go through either, and I realized he had blocked my phone number. But little did he know, if you call someone with your number hidden, the call will go through, even if the other person blocked your number. I called him several times because I wanted an answer. I wanted to know why he ghosted me. Finally, he answered the phone, only to tell me that he was dating a new girl. He planned a life with me, just to take it back.
He planned a life with me just to take it back.
When he told me that, I absolutely blew up on him. There was no way in hell I was letting what he did go. And a few hours later, I sent him this message:
I haven't dated since then. Each day passes, and I just remind myself to smile and not to sweat the small stuff. Maybe one day I'll find the one.
You guys, Amanda also mentioned that after ALL of that, this guy has recently been trying to start up conversations with her every time she sees him at work, even though she's pretty sure he's still in a relationship with the girl he ghosted her for.
I mean, WTF IS THIS GUY'S DEAL?!
First and foremost, don't invite a girl to move in with you and then fall off the face of the Earth. Second, DON'T JUST FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. IT'S RUDE.
And it's even worse when you work with the person and will probably have to see them again. Like, in what world would you think that's an OK idea?!
What are your thoughts on the matter? Do you somehow understand his point of view? If so, FILL ME IN, please!
Or, have you been in Amanda's position before? I want to hear from you, too!
*Names have been changed.