This week, we have Allan* who was just getting over a breakup with a girlfriend who cheated on him, only to be ghosted by the next girl he let himself fall for:
Several months went by [following the breakup] of shitty dates, and several girls that I ghosted that I just didn't want to have to explain myself to. I was never over Sarah* [my ex] and was still depressed about it. I started working out four to five times a week, and continued going about my dating apps that were too much work and extremely unsuccessful.
On the day of the Super Bowl, my friends and I went to a bar that was having a Super Bowl party. The bar was "lit" and after about four to five drinks, I staggered to the bar to get another one. I saw this girl standing next to the bar. She was absolutely beautiful. I watched for a bit out the corner of my eye, pretending to be in a hurry to get a drink, and noticed she wasn't with a guy. So I just said fuck it, and I walked up to her (we'll call her Ashley*) and I started a conversation with her. It was like I was a robot... not in a bad way, but I was saying all the right things at the right time. Before I knew it, I got Ashley's number and we had set up a date for the next night. I went back to my friends and, for the first time in a while, I felt happy. Before the date the next day, we texted back and forth. Memes and she even sent me selfies. My confidence went way up, and I felt like a normal guy again. This girl was gorgeous (prettiest girl I've ever gone on a date with), extremely funny and had a great personality. How could I have been so lucky? It was the first date in God knows how long that I was excited and extremely nervous for. We got dinner that night, laughed, talked about her past and mine.
We got dinner that night, laughed, talked about her past and mine.
As the drinks were flowing, she told me that she had a long-term ex-boyfriend of two years who developed a drug addiction and a little brother who died from a drug addiction. She was arrested one time for having a taser in the airport as well. She was also in therapy and didn't have the best family life.
I was weirdly OK with all the craziness and drama because I could tell it was tough for her to open up and appreciated all the honesty from the start. I felt like this was someone I could trust and I wanted to be her knight to show her that life had good aspects to it.
I could tell it was tough for her to open up and appreciated all the honesty from the start.
We went to another bar to get drinks afterwards and continued the date. She eventually slept over and we hooked up. I woke up the next morning and was in shock. I didn't think I'd ever find anyone who could make me feel like that after my previous ex. We had so much fun that we even hung out two days later and she slept over again. Usually I would say we would be rushing into it, but with her I wanted to already spend every minute with her. The next morning, Ashley says, "There's a few things I have to tell you." I say jokingly, "Oh god, what are you, a lesbian?" She laughed and said no.
I changed my tone and said, "Are you dating someone else?" She said she was dating a guy who lived in NY and openly dates two girls at once (her being one of them). The other girlfriend has been with him for three years. I felt weird about it, but since Ashley and I weren't technically in a relationship, I couldn't necessarily get mad. She then tells me that there's more: She was a suspect in a federal murder investigation. She never told me the details, but I was speechless after all of it. I didn't know what to think. I put on a non-confused happy face and I walked her to her car, kissed her goodbye, and said I'd talk to her later.
As she was leaving the parking deck, I called her to address the elephant in the room. I told her thank you for telling me and that I didn't care about her past and wanted to keep seeing her.
I told her thank you for telling me and that I didn't care about her past and wanted to keep seeing her.
Ashley said thanks and that "it would all work out." That next day, she went to Birmingham to be with family and I spent the weekend with friends. I thought about her a lot and texted her a couple times. The problem was I didn't get any responses and it felt different. We would usually text until 2 am and say goodnight. I ended up spiraling and asking her if everything was OK. Still no response.
Then it hit me. I was the victim of my own strategy: ghosting. Did I lose another girl that made me happy? Well, come to find out I did. It would've just been OK if she told me she couldn't continue to see me or wanted to just be friends. But ghosting me was a dagger into the heart because I knew I would never see her again. I wanted to at least thank her one day for helping me get over my ex whom I thought I was going to marry.
I know that I'll be fine and the right one will come around soon, but moral of the story is that I don't think I'll be ghosting another girl. Going to just be honest and tell her sorry and explain why. Maybe in 2017, guys will man the fuck up because being ghosted sucks.
Maybe in 2017 guys will man the fuck up because being ghosted sucks.
It's not very often we get male submissions to "Boom, Ghosted," so I'm super grateful to Allan for having the courage to submit his story.
I don't know about you, but it's ALWAYS interesting for me to hear about being ghosted from the perspective of the male—especially one who has been guilty of ghosting women in the past.
I like to think I, as a girl, could maybe understand where the girl who ghosted him was coming from. In this case, though, I've got to be honest... I don't really get it.
Why go to the trouble of telling him all of this deep and personal stuff about yourself if you were just going to bail?
Maybe she got scared? That's the best reason I could come up with. That, or the feds finally got her for that murder investigation.
What do you guys think of all of this? Do you get where she was coming from? Do you sympathize with his point of view? Comment your thoughts below! I'm always curious about your thoughts and feelings.
*Names have been changed.