You know it, and I know it. Heck, we all know it.
Love hurts even more when your heart yearns for the person you thought was "the one," only to learn that person does not feel the same way.
You soon find yourself in a state of mind where literally everything seems like a good idea, if it will make that person understand the mistake he or she made.
This state of mind is so incredibly damaging to our dignity.
What would normally be considered as unacceptable behavior suddenly seems like very acceptable behavior.
We generally do not think twice about sending a carefully constructed, deep, meaningful message to "the one who is not really the one."
And we don’t stop at one message. We continue to do it message, after message, after message.
Blissfully ignorant of the fact that with each text message, we fall a little deeper into the crazy basket, a place no one comes back from easily.
Unfortunately, so many of us can relate to this.
Let’s put an end to this continual cycle of impulse-driven madness.
Let’s save our dignity and our self-respect.
Let’s take control of our post-separation lives.
Let’s move on from "the one who is not really the one."
How do we do this?
How do we save ourselves from ourselves at this time when emotions are running high, and all we want to do is send one last “But why don’t you love me?” message?
These steps will not make your pain any less hurtful, but they will help you keep your dignity in a time that can otherwise be quite humiliating:
1. Buckle up, and prepare for a roller coaster ride of emotions.
A good way to help yourself on this journey is to start a journal.
It's purely a safe place for you to air your thoughts.
You can start by writing down five things you enjoy or would like to do for yourself.
Don’t be disheartened if you find this challenging.
It's so easy to lose sight of things you once enjoyed over the course of a relationship.
2. Date yourself for a bit.
Block off some time in your calendar for you to actually do these things.
Say what? You can actually take some time out for yourself?
Yes, and it's so refreshing.
Whether it's once a week or once a month, it really does not matter.
Just get yourself to a point where you are looking forward to something again.
3. Rediscover yourself.
Relationships usually change us in some way, shape or form.
This change can be positive, but often after they've ended, you feel like a stranger to yourself.
To help with this, write the heading “Who am I?” in your journal, and then freely write.
Make a commitment to yourself that you will not settle for anything that compromises who you are.
4. Practice mindfulness.
As humans, we have to learn to let go of certain overwhelming feelings and thoughts.
This is important part of the moving on process.
For example, think of yourself swimming in the ocean and becoming stuck in a riptide (an overwhelming feeling or thought).
If you go with the current, you will be okay, and the problem will eventually come to pass.
But if you fight the current and panic, you will burn out, the problem will become too big to manage by yourself and you may need a lifeguard.
The same applies with grief at the end of a relationship.
There is nothing wrong with your feelings, and in fact, your feelings of grief are normal.
But, you need to learn to let your ex go.
If the pain is too much, there is also nothing wrong with seeking help from a professional.
5. Find your lifeguard.
Unfortunately, your lifeguard is no longer "the one who is not really the one."
This is really hard when that person was the one you turned to whenever there was exciting news to share or was simply the one you called on your lunch break.
For this one, you need to call in the support of your bestie, your sister, your mum or even a professional. Talk with whoever is willing to let you unload your tears and make sense of your emotions.
The end of a relationship may be the end of your life as you once knew it, but it does not have to be the end of you.
This can be the beginning of a newer and fresher version of you, if you allow it.
All in good time, you will discover a new perspective on life and love.
You can look back on this time and say it was an experience that helped you grow to become the person you are today.