The Only Way To Get Over An Ex Is To Realize You Learned From Him

For most of us, there is that one special someone who simultaneously makes us want to dance around to sappy love songs, and rip out every single strand of our hair.

Whether it’s an ex-boyfriend, an ex-hookup or some kind of ghost from your past who continues to haunt your present, I’m talking about the person you think you’ll never get over.

I’ve said, “I’ll never get over him” too many times to count.

I've ranted to my poor friends, my poor mother or the poor strangers at the grocery store who had no idea what they were getting themselves into when they merely asked, “How are you today?”

The process of not only having to pretend like you’re over your ex, but actually getting over your ex feels like it’s going to take a miracle.

You can pour over magazines and how-to websites seeking advice, but you will never be able to find the answer you’re looking for.

Because you don’t want the answer.

In all of the time I’ve spent obsessing over guys, I’ve never actually wanted to get over them.

I wanted to be with them. Or at least, I wanted them to want me.

Who hasn’t had that fantasy of walking into the bar, looking totally fabulous and making him go all, “What was I thinking ending things with her?”

Am I right?

And I’ve held out hope that eventually, that would happen.

But the most important thing you need to understand is this: It isn’t you.

I know you’re still thinking that it is, but it’s just not.

We wouldn’t have the literature, the art or the music we have today if people didn’t get their hearts broken.

Unfortunately, it’s inevitable.

At some point or another, it has to happen.

And I have found the only thing that has ever kept me somewhat stable is reminding myself everything truly does happen for a reason.

Things fall apart and come together for some cosmic purpose, even if you'll never understand why.

I’m convinced that with the people you’ve loved, you loved them because there was a certain stage in your life when you needed them.

I’ve noticed whenever I’m making any nerve-racking transitions in my own life — whether it was going away to school, going abroad or just growing up — I’ve let myself lean on a guy just so I didn’t have to focus on myself.

Letting go of that person means you’re letting go of that part of yourself.

And often, changes scare me, and I don’t want to let go. I can’t get out of my own head, so I stick somebody else in there instead.

The best advice a friend has ever given to me was you have to teach yourself to assume this person — even if you aren’t quite over him or her — is over you.

Clinging onto something he or she said isn’t going to make the process any easier.

Getting over this person is going to happen when it happens.

Don’t give yourself a time limit. Don’t think you’re crazy if it’s been a week, a month or three years, and he or she is still drifting back into your thoughts.

Moving on doesn't have to mean going all "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," and forcing yourself not to think about him or her.

There was a point when you truly needed him or her to help you learn, grow and change.

Actually, the only way I’ve ever found that I’ve been able to cope is if I do think about my exes.

Allow yourself to feel for them. Hate them. Miss them.

Appreciate them, everything about them and the person you were with them.

Appreciate the great things. Appreciate the awful things.

Above all, appreciate the fact you know how to open your heart because, believe me, it isn’t as easy as you'd think.

It's a miracle if I have ever seen one.