Life is full of catch-22s. When you need a cab, you can’t find one — until you don’t need one, and then they’re everywhere.
The same goes for relationships. Whenever you’re looking for it, you can’t find it, but the second you find one, everyone else wants to be with you. If you’re only desirable when you’re taken, how do single people make themselves desirable enough to get taken?
It’s the ultimate single gal’s catch-22, and the plight of so many doomed relationships because all that attention you wanted when you were single only comes when you’re not.
Why is that? Why is it so damn easy to get into a relationship when you're already in one? Why does no one want you when you just want to be wanted? Why is the only way to get a boyfriend to have one?
I guess the best advice to come out of this paradox is if you can’t have a boyfriend, you must act like you do. You may not have that after-sex glow, but you can have that confidence and air of mystery.
You may not have his sweaters and old t-shirts, but you can have that look. You may not have the reason to blow someone off, but you still can.
Security Is Sexy
Be secure in the relationship you have with yourself.
One of the most defining parts of any relationship is the security it brings. If you can’t have that with another person, you must have it with yourself.
You don’t need to love another person to have love in your life. You should be completely in love with yourself and being single. Only then will you have that glow all your coupled friends keep talking about.
You’re more yourself
People are more attracted to you when you’re being true to yourself, and that usually happens once you've stopped trying to fit into some dream mold you've created.
When you're in a solid relationship, you're no longer worried about finding a place in someone's life, but confident in who you are and how you fit into that place.
But that shouldn't just come with a relationship. If you want a man to love you for you, then start going out that way. Be yourself, no matter who you're around. Be confident in your dreams and your opinions.
There’s not a trace of desperation
The reason men want you when you’re taken goes back to the basic principle that men want what they can’t have. They like the thrill, the chase and the competition.
So if you don’t have a boyfriend, how can you attain that desirability? Just don’t give a f*ck.
Just because you don’t have a boyfriend doesn’t mean you can’t pretend you do. Just because you don't have a boyfriend doesn't mean you have to give your number to any guy who asks. You don't need a boyfriend to be mysterious and uninterested. Do that on your own.
You never go out to hook up
When you’re in a relationship and go out with your girlfriends, you give off a different vibe because clearly, you’re not there for the same reason everyone else is.
You’re there for something else. You’re there to have fun with your girlfriends and enjoy the evening – free from worrying if the guy you saw when you walked in will buy you a drink.
This energy comes across, and it can come across for single women too. The best way to pick a guy up is to put down the expectations.
You're generally dressed more comfortably and, therefore, are more comfortable
One clear sign of a woman in a relationship is the way she dresses. I'm not saying women change once they have boyfriends, but a girl is less likely to get dressed up every night when she's confident in the man she has.
She has what she was dressing for and now either dresses for herself (which she was hopefully doing all along) or just sports sweats and an old t-shirt. You'd be surprised how sexy an "unsexy" woman really is.
You go at things differently
Just the way a taken woman goes through life is different. She's not searching around wide-eyed for the next available man. She's looking at other things, things that will bring her to specific interests with specific people.
You will meet more people and come across more available this way. This should be the way single women go through life. If we stop worrying about the guys at the events and just enjoy the event, we'll be more likely to clean up at the event.
You're just happy
A relationship shouldn't define your happiness. If you're happy and content with yourself and your single life, you will give off the same vibes as a woman in a healthy relationship.
You don't need to have a man, however, to give off that glow. You can be confident, secure and blissfully happy with your life without your dream relationship.
Besides, that dream relationship only comes once you've stopped dreaming.